1. How horrible! I hope that this experience doesn't keep you from God, but rather brings you closer. (There are many churches, including the Episcopal Church, that, despite their own challenges, are far beyond what you have described below. Perhaps one might be a source of comfort for you.) Peace always, Brett
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
2. Hello Friends.
I am forwarding this letter I just received from a very dear friend, devoted father and family man, Gary Spino. My friend Gary has devoted his whole life to his family and friends and also in demonstrating how a strong gay man can serve his family, community and society in a dignified and proud way. He goes about his life always looking for ways he can affect change.
We met in college, both good gay catholic boys from strong parents. I didn't realize it back then but we were both struggling with loving the Religion we were raised in and dealing with it's condemnation at the same time. We took vastly different roads and lost touch for awhile. I turned into rebellious black sheep who covered up all his fears and anger with drugs while Gary stayed true and made a wonderful life with his partner in NYC. Finally after many years of struggle God led me into the rooms of recovery. Feeling stronger I started getting in touch with old friends and was thrilled to find Gary just where I left him, still on the right path.
In catching up with each other I have to admit the tinge of jealousy or envy I felt as he told me about his marriage and then their decision to have a child. I am so happy for him and use his story to keep hope alive for my own dreams.
When I read the following letter he sent me tonight I cried with him for the pain and horror I know he felt as he lived this. How can educated men and woman in this day and age claim to be preaching Gods word and be spewing such hateful, venomous ideas.
I am asking you to read his amazing tale and then follow your hearts and consciences. He, as usual is prepared with many suggestions on how we can respond "remember(ing) that it is about love, and let your voice flow from that place."
Love,
Charlie
3. I think that if you should go back to that church every chance you get, because if part of the purpose of that sermon was to drive out the dissenting arguments – it succeeded. I think the next time you go back you take every gay man and woman you know with you – be they catholic or not. I think you should print buttons with the faces of known priests FROM that parish who abused children and wear them. And every time the priest says something stupid you should stand up and point it out to them.
Change does not happen until someone visibly stands up.
Tony is my hero now too!
GB Tyrrell
4. I am so sorry you had to experience this, Gary. It is SO frustrating. But I am really proud of you for standing up to this. I will do my part on your suggestions, starting with sending this to our church minister, so that he might talk about it with our church. I really do not know WHY, of all things to worry about in this world, the Catholic Church would be so bamboozled by the political idiots behind this that they would worry about taking a stand on this issue. MInd blowing. And perhaps they've heard of a little thing called, separation of church and state???? Peace, Jen
5. Gary
I am so sorry you had to experience this. Robert and I having been there we can feel your pain. You absolutely did the right thing as did Tony. We are proud you took the stand you did.
Gary consider joining an Episcopal congregation your faith in religion and people will be renewed.
Robert, mother and I are now confirmed Episcopalians. My mom converted at age 89.
The Catholic Church will not get it until the last light goes out here in the US.
I would like to invite you and Tony to attend one of our services here in Dobbs Ferry. I know it’s a trip but it might be worth a single visit. I can introduce you to our gay priest and maybe he can recommend a parish near you guys. Our services are on Sunday mornings at 10 am. We can pick you up at the train stop which is short distance.
The service is the same as Roman only the attitude is 180 degrees from the Romans. I think its important for you to have a positive spiritual experience after going through this.
Don’t give up your faith just find another place to express it. IT IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO US.
If you want to stick with the Roman church you might want to check out this web site http://mysite.verizon.net/~vze43yrc/cofounders.html or contact dignity which you may be a part of already.
After our event we decided we wanted nothing to do with the Roman Church. I know it hard decision to make. They don’t deserve to have good people like us in their institution.
Can I post this letter on my blog. www.samesexmarriageadvocate.blogspot.com .
Give me your phone number I would love to talk to you further about this whole incident.
Michael & Robert
6. Oh my friend. I am so sorry you went through this. I am fiercely proud of you and Tony for standing firm at that parish on the front lines.
I have been a Catholic my entire life. For the past 37 years I have forgiven the church, participated and prayed that it would change.
No longer. I will write emails and so forth, but I cannot in good conscience participate in that institution that is actively trying to kill me with hate.
Far better to support a church that welcomes me for exactly who I am AND feels close to home. Namely, the Episcopalians. They are practically in schism over gay and lesbian issues, as is the entire Anglican Communion. But they are fighting for what is right and Christ-like without apology and in clear conscience. I have been considering this for a long, long, long time.
The Catholic Church is too wounded, too misguided and to dangerous to support out of a sense of "well, that's the Church."
No longer.
Love,
Michael
7. your experience and the experience of others is why i urge LGBT people to recognize that their "personal is political". and that we need to take action "IF NOT US, WHO? AND IF NOT NOW,WHEN/) nd we must begin with coming-out...speaking out...giving money to our orgs that do something , not just ask for money..write, call, e-mail, join, any situation that tkaes away our self-esteem..human and civil rights and demand that which we don't haver that others, not LGBT do.
I feel you anguish..it will just make me do more. it's not only PA. that is doing this damage, we live in Florida the only difference from PA. is we have warm weather.
Keep the anger, it's healthy if you do something about it. God didn't design religion..men did to control us. I say "fuck 'em "
Tell Tony he' was brilliant in his response to the priest.
I shall send this out to everyone in my addressbook..Catholic, Jew, Mislim, Atheits , Agnostic, etc,etc., etc., It deserves to be read and responded to. It's not just our LGBT media talking , it's a real live person of our community.
lovingly, ruthie and connie too!!!!
8. I'm sorry such an unfortunate thing had to happen to you over the holidays. Its so frustrating trying to deal with the ignorance of others, especially when it hits so close to home and has such obvious negative effects. Things are (and will continue to) get better because of actions such as this email and the reprucssions from it.
Best,
Sal
9. Hey Gary,
I'm so sorry. I have to give you credit for being more patient than
I ever was. I stopped going to Catholic services years ago because
it was just so pointlessly naive and silly.
It's great that you did something and Tony spoke out. The most
important thing anyone can do is to be an example. And you and Tony
are great examples. We must be out and we must take a stand. We
must let our families know the type of people we are and let them
know what this message from the pulpit does.
It's not easy, my relations with my father and brother are pretty
strained. But I mentioned marriage to my mother at one point and how
it really is a back of the bus issue. She told me I was preaching to
the choir. A little victory.
Make your calls, take a stand, but continue to be what you are.
I agree, it outrages me that we are a greater threat to the world
than war and poverty. I also think the Church is looking for a
higher branch to stand on during this flood of criticism for ignoring
the needs of molested children. The hypocrisy is more outrageous to
me than the hatred.
I think there needs to be an organization that files suit to remove
the church's tax-exempt status.
Peace, Love, Hugs, Kisses ...
Ken
10. Gary, I am sorry for your pain, and your experience. I can't help but wonder, did you expect anything different from the Catholic Church? I know you grew up in it and your family's history (my mother's side is Italian Catholic, although my family is Jewish-my mother converted before she married my father), but they have declared war against us. And certain clergy notwithstanding, they are an organization that takes its orders from the top. On the rare occassions I find myself at a Catholic Church service, i have to say that I wouldn't be surprised if I encountered what you did, as angy as i would be about it.
I support all of your efforts to take the right course of action and do something about all of this. For your own well being you may want to reconsider going to Church again.
It was great seeing you guys at Dean and Irene's party a few weeks ago.
Best,
Jeff
11. Gary & Tony --
The two of you never cease to amaze me. You're my heroes.
Gary, it seems like a woefully inadequate sentiment, but I'm sorry that you had to go through this. Your resolve not to allow yourself to be silently demonized is the best possible reaction, and it is inspiring.
I teach at the premier law school in Pennsylvania, and I'm probably the most prominent scholar and advocate of gay rights and marriage equality in the state. I want to help. Can we start figuring out how I can be an asset to you two in this effort? I'll be in New York on Wednesday for some meetings with the Obama folks and a fundraiser with Barack. Perhaps we could find a time to sit down over a drink and begin planning.
I'm glad that I walked up and introduced myself to the two of you that day fourteen years ago in Better Bodies. The two of you really are amazing.
Much love,
? T
12. Gary,
Your email brings back all of the reasons that I left the church many years ago. the church seems (and thinks of itself) as monolithic, an immovable object. The reality is, it does move, although generally way too late considering all of the damage it does to everyone in the meanwhile. Think inquisition. Probably in about 200 years, when society has no issues with gay people, the church will come around. In the meanwhile, its policies are actually killing us.
The church feels it speaks from god, but I know that if JC were around today, he would be on our side of this. The church is incredibly fallible (it burned people for saying that the earth revolved around the sun), although they think otherwise. It is a top down organization, with no room for dissent. Why anyone (especially women and gays) stick with this communistic, don't think, just do as we say, organization baffles my mind. The church has stayed silent or is complicit in so much hatred and murder. It watched as Hitler and Mussolini came to power, as priests molested children, as AIDS hit, and did nothing of good.
My cousin, who was in an abusive Catholic marriage with an alcoholic (who beat her), tried to get her marriage annulled, and the church wouldn't let her out of it. She got a state sanctioned divorced, and is now an Episcopalian minister! Spiritual people have another dimension, which makes their humanity deeper and brighter. I do not think of Catholics who go to church, and espouse the hatred, as possessing this dimension.
I love you and Tony and give you both a big hug and thumbs up for taking this on. Just know that you are up against non thinking lemmings, but are surrounded by a love that priests and nones will never know (or know what they are missing!)
Will
13. From Sal - FYI - For what it's worth, I sent an email to PAforMarriage.org. In case you're interested -
"I recently stumbled upon your website and reading it has left me with great sadness and frustration. Your actions have so many specific negative consequences on people's actual lives in your attempt to prevent an alleged "attack" that you perceive is being waged against your own way of life.
You are using religious undertones to implant discrimination into your state constitution and the minds of your citizens. The central tenant of Christianity is love. What you are promoting on this site is quite the opposite.
In addition to promoting discrimination, you are spreading false facts. You cite Norway as an example where the introduction of same-sex marriage has led to an increase in out-of-wedlock childbirth and high-divorce rates. The same trend has occurred in all Western countries over the last 30 years, and the majority of those countries have not adopted same-sex marriage policies. Your example lacks the necessary "cause-and-effect" relationship. Several factors have led to the current trends in out-of-wedlock births and divorce. Can you kindly explain how permitting a couple who wishes to marry and raise a family would result in an INCREASE in the number of children raised by unmarried parents? Furthermore, bringing children into this world in unfavorable circumstances (including out-of-wedlock) is a heterosexual phenomenon. Homosexual couples go through great trouble to adopt children in order to provide them loving homes. We are not part of the group that brings children into the world because of a "bad decision" and thus it is inappropriate to blame the homosexual community for the current state of child-rearing in the world.
You state that same-sex marriage is a matter of religious liberty. What about liberty FROM religion? We are asking for the State to provide the same rights to homosexual couples as for heterosexual couples. I can assure you that no gay couple is going to strong-arm a priest to marry them if the church is so against it. Why would they want to impose such negativity and frivolousness to a day that is so important to them. We are asking for equal rights only, and not asking in anyway for your rights to be diminished. On the contrary, you are trying to impose your religious beliefs on us by fighting against our civil rights. You make the argument as if it is a zero-sum game. It is not. You can continue with your religious beliefs and the sanctity of your family and marriage. How can two men marrying hurt that?
Finally, you mention other loving relationships (e.g., grandparent/grandchild, owner/pet, two friends) as relationships that should not be granted the right to marry. To this point, I am dumbfounded. Surely you must understand the difference between the love of two consenting adults, regardless of sex, and the love of an owner for his pet. To equate the two and use that as an argument against same-sex marriage only hurts your cause by making you seem completely without comprehension of the issues at hand.
I would be very interested to hear your response to this email. It is only through an open dialogue that each side can begin to understand the other's position. We are not going anywhere -- our strength, size and number of heterosexual allies only continues to grow. Eventually there must be a consensus so that both sides can live together. Most importantly, what are we fighting about? At the end of the day, both sides are pro-marriage and pro-family."
14. O Gary, I am so sorry that you had this punch in the gut, and in your childhood church too. As you and Tony know, when my marriage feel apart after thirty years, after having five wonderful daughters, after regular financial support and even tithing at one parish, and after hundreds of hours of parish volunteer work and CCD (Sunday school in RC) teaching and leading as well as adult education, after getting all my education from Catholic grammar schools, high school, Emmanuel College in Boston, Trinity College in D. C. and University of Dayton for graduate work, my church was not there for me. When I needed comfort and hope the most, my church told me you are not worthy to come to receive Communion and we do not want you around influencing others who might be thinking of getting a divorce too.
I send you hugs and lots of love and pray that you have a NYC church where you feel welcome. Please plan to come next summer to Truro and meet our wonderful and loving gay pastor. He has healed my pain of rejection from the RC and at this point I am as comfortable in the Episcopal Church as I used to be in the RC. My comfort is interesting because as an Irish American, this church is part of the Anglican Catholic network and we all know the history of the English and the Irish. When I read the history, though, I can see that the church actually formed before William Tyndale was executed in the 1400s for writing and printing the Bible in English, the very Bible translation on which the King James version is primarily based. Long before Tyndale, the English Roman Catholic church was being shut out and not heard, so the ground was ripe for Henry the Eighth to declare that the English church would no longer bow to Rome. The truth is that the English church was long before this time making its own way and using the language of the people.
Anyway, forgive my length, but I want everyone to meet Terry Pannell and hear his message of inclusivity and love. He is exactly the kind of priest we all need in our lives. And, as you know, the Episcopal Church in the U. S. has wide boundaries; not all priests are on Terry's side, but if anyone comes to St. Mary of the Harbor and meets him, attends Mass, feels the love of the community, he/she will see that it can be done. "It" is leading a diverse community of fishermen and women, blue collar folks, highly educated professionals, successful business people who live in NYC and Provincetown, artists, writers, retired folks from all over, and even many former RCs who have been driven away from their church homes by the distorted message that you describe, Gary.
Lots of hugs, and love from the outer Cape, Maureen Cronin
15. Hi guys,
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience at Our Lady of Grace, although not surprised. I stopped going to church many, many years ago for several reasons but mainly because the sermons said one thing and the priests, nuns and members did something else.
And then there was the 'give me more money' issue requesting monies for one of the richest organizations in the world.
You both have so many friends and relatives who love you and you are fortunate to have each other. In this world where fanatics blow themselves and others away in the name of religion, you must put things in perspective. Do not allow what religious zealots say or do to affect you so greatly. You have what is important, love and respect for each other and everyone else you care about.
We love you!
Charlotte
16. Dear Gary:
This must be so hard for you. I was not raised in a religious household, so it was relatively easy for me to dismiss Church and organized religion as irrelevant, although the fact that I am gay definitely stained relations between my mother and I, due in large part to her later-adopted religion (Church of the Nazarene – very conservative). The way I handled her and her Church when we went to visit her in Pittsburgh when she was sick was to refer to my partner Jeff as my “friend” when he was with me. It was rather odd, because everyone knew that I was gay and who Jeff was, but it was ok as long as we did not “speak the words.” I guess it was partially a cop-out on my part, but the battles with my mother were just too painful for me, so I settled for that state of affairs.
The biggest thing from your story that bothers me, besides the personal pain it is causing you, is that it sounds like Pa. might be gearing up to use the gay-marriage issue as a political weapon like in 2004 when it happened in Ohio.
As for the Catholic Church, I never really understood the desire of gays who were raised Catholic to stay affiliated. I understand in your case the family affiliation, but in general, the Vatican has been very clear about its view of gay people. If I were religious, I would want to find a Church that was more supportive. The Episcopalian leadership is struggling with this issue too, but at least they send mixed messages, instead of the flat-out rejection we get from the Vatican.
Anyway, you have our thoughts in your personal struggles with this. I think I will write the New York representatives and Spitzer again to keep marriage on the front burner. Hopefully it will become legal in NY in 2009 if Dems can take the State Senate in 2008! Good luck and keep me posted.
Rob
17. Gary,
I am so sad for you. I haven't belonged to the Catholic church for a long time. My limited involvement with them has only been because of the strong connection to our family. Italians and the church were one. I can't even picture grandma without her rosary beads or prayer book. Living on wood street, one of my memories is all the old ladies, dressed in black, walking up to the church every morning, and something like this feels like a betrayel to all those people who believed the church was a part of their strong faith. It was all about faith in God. That's no longer the case. One of the reasons I no longer belong. I knew my mother and our grandmother pretty well . And if they are representative of the kind of people who started that church they would be totally supportive of you, as I am. Many things in this life are not fair. Priests do have control over their parishioners, but somewhere along the way common sense has to t ake over. I share your frustration. Just know that you have a lot of support.
Love you,
Carolyn
18. Dear Gary and Tony,
I was very moved when I read this, and sad for everyone: you and your family, all of us gay people, and those who are on the other side of this issue. I think that God is crying, too.
I hope you don't mind, but I forwarded this to my partner, Amy Reichman. You may hear from her.
God bless you both (and God bless everyone - no exceptions!)
Love,
Connie
19. Dear, Dear Gary. First, thank you for taking the time, mental and emotional energy to craft such a poignant and personal description of your experience. I am so very sorry you got, as you so rightly say, "sucker-punched" over the holidays - it's awful in its own right and doubly so given the timing!.
I guess I'm a bit like Tony in that I stopped having much faith or trust in any organized religious 'machines' (with the Catholic Church heading the list) several years ago when, repeatedly, I heard devisive, prejudicial and political messages coming from almost every pulpit of every congregation of every persuasion (what I was doing in so many churches escapes me, but I digress...). Unfortunately, I have become totally disillusioned since it also seems to me that even those congregations and/or sects that are supportive of us are typically aberations and therefore in jeopardy of being ousted from their larger 'mother ships.' But all that said, I, like you, attend services from time to time because they are, for me, an important ritual - tied, as you so beautifully describe - to love and family and those things that are most important. But I don't expect them to be, at all, what they purport to be - ie places of love, acceptance and peace. As they say, 'more wars and other social atrocities have been (and continue to be) waged in the name of religion than almost any other social institution.'
But you are clearly right and a wonderful, loving example to remind me not to condemn everyone in blanket damnation - that makes us no better than they. So, Dear One, THANK YOU for reminding me, in the midst of your shock and pain, what is REALLY important now, in the new year, and always. And thank you both - as always - for making me know how blessed we are to be a part of this family, this church, that we have created for ourselves. We love you. Keep your head toward the sky. See you soon. Katie is in Florida dealing with some very hard issues with her farther, so may not see this for awhile. Please keep her in thought and heart - it's a hard job she has ahead of her.
Love,
Patrice
PS: Dean, I decided to copy you here because I'm interested in your take on the theme of religion and acceptance. Thx.
20. Hey Gary. I’m so sorry you went through this. Sorry I didn’t give enough ears to you when I saw you to hear all this, but glad to know the details now.
You are not a threat to anyone. You are, and always have been, a beacon of joy, hope and love. The Catholic Church has been a sinking ship for a long long time and has been involved in the worst kind of acts. I hope that on a political front those PA churchies will not be able to wield any power at all, and that the power of true love will reign.
And Tony – really is a hero. That took courage and guts and that is what true love is – to not only stand up for himself, but to honor you and what you guys share before anyone and everyone. Awe inspiring.
I love you guys and support you in this.
Catherine
21. powerful! - Frank
22. Gary, this is outrageous. I'm spinning with so many emotions I can't even begin
to identify them all.
Would you mind if I shared your letter in a public forum? I'll mask your names,
but not the location.
Peace and love to you and Tony,
Jaime
23. Hi Honey,
Just finished reading your letter.I can relate to your
pain and feel soo bad that you've been pushed to the
point of never returning to church here again.I
hope,with all my heart,that the love and support of
all your family and friends can somehow fill you up
and hold you close,now that you need us the most.As
for me,you know you'll ALWAYS have my love and
support.
I feel your pain more than you know.I'm sure Tony has
filled you in on it.I'll try and leave you a message
later with how things turned out between Annie &
myself.I'll just leave you with lots of x's & o's.
I'm always here for you.And always willing to talk.
All my love,
Loretta
24. Hi Gary,
I'm sorry to hear about what happened at the church. It must have been very upsetting, especially in that church, which has always been such an important place for our family. I don't blame you for feeling so hurt. One of the reasons I fell away from the church is that it seems a lot more interested in promoting rules about how other people should live their lives, than in spirituality, which I believe is about finding your own connection with God in an open and loving and non-judgemental way. The activist groups that you mentioned play on people's fears and prejudices to promote their own view of morality. The best revenge for you is to prove them wrong by the way you and Tony live your lives. I've always admired the committment you guys have to each other, and the way you value family. To say that your relationship with Tony threatens the institution of marriage is the antithesis of spirituality. It hardens the heart, narrows the mind, shrinks the spirit. It's also nonsense, but when people are made to feel afraid of something, they want to control it.
There are always going to be people who think this way, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to know that. But you should also remind yourself that there are a lot of people here who don't make those kinds of judgements, who simply value you and Tony as irreplaceable members of the clan.
Peace and Love, cuz. And hang in there,
--Vince
25. I kind of hope you have never seen this one before in light of the earlier email I received from you.
I am sorry you had to go through that this weekend. But remember God is Love...and people are taught to hate and be afraid.
Love, rob
big hugs comin' your way
26. organized religon is screwed up its all about money they can all go to hell as far a s im concerned
27. Gary,
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience over the holidays. Thank you for pouring yourself out in such a passionate and honest email. I opened it up at work this morning, and had to close my office door while reading the rest of it, because I was so moved by your words. You and Tony are both incredibly courageous.
Interesting that the pastor says that the Catholic Church has been invisible, and that they need to start making waves. They've been anything but invisible, and do nothing but make waves, giving all kinds of advice regarding morals and rightiousness, when their actions are anything but. They proclaim pro family values, then tear families apart with their rhetoric.
It's the church that has always wanted us to be invisible. Our visible happiness and true sense of family is more of a threat to their centuries of tyranical domination, than to families themselves. I'm glad that you both stood up for yourselves that day, and for your families. I'm proud to know you both, and am honored to be your friends. Your relationship continues to be an inspiration to Chris and I, as does your political activism.
I guess my only "but" in this email is to ask you to remember that you're dealing with an institution that proudly proclaims "unchangeable beliefs." You're battling millenia of dogma filled with circular logic. I'm not saying that we shouldn't fight their political activism with activism of our own, because we need to in order to move forward with the laws of this country. I'm just saying that it's helpful to be mindful of the kind of mindset you're dealing with, so as not to lose too much sleep in the mean time. As much progress as the gay community has made in our lifetime, the Catholic church has not progressed at all. As a result, they are falling further and further out of step with the needs of their communities. And the recent waves of church related scandals have even woken up staunch Catholics like Chris' mom, causing her to question some of the advice she was so blindling following. In many ways, their ignorance and stubborness will do some of the work for us. They frantically use gays to push the hate button with whichever members of their groups will listen, because they do know that the window of opportunity for such low level knee jerk responses is closing. Soon people will scratch their heads with such rhetoric because they will know those ideas to be false.
In the mean time, while you're fighting the good fight, keep celebrating your wondeful family. And I do hope parishoners will learn to speak up against such ideas of hate, because the church will have to know that their "unchangeable beliefs" must change if they are to be at all relevant in the world of today.
Thanks for all you do. I love you both. Here's to more progress in 2008!
Love,
Brad (& Chris)
28. Gary and all,
thanks for sharing your horror story as I had shared mine from Christmas about my parents.
I know that my parents love me, and struggle daily with that religious bullsh** which I firmly beleive has brainwashed them into beleiving what appears to be sinful, wrong, immoral.
My favourite brainwash saying to date- "we all have choice"
My favourite, get a grip response- "and did you one day wake up and choose to be straight?"
Anyone want to print t shirts?
In my own parish, St. Bede's in Hayward California, there are the worse secrets that the Diocese of Oakland has been covering up. My high school best friend tells me that his parents are now great friends with priests who are "out". Point is, I think there is going to be a revolution of religion in this country because the old school thinkers are losing their grip on our new generation, and just losing their grip, period!
I personally am going to write a letter and send it along with a From the Heart CD to the addresses you had listed below. I will from the bottom of my heart tell them how they should be ashamed of themselves. Small town thinkers won't get very far. And the sad thing of it all is they are hating without even knowing they are doing it.
I also want to drop the idea of approaching LOGO TV about this, call me about this, seriously because they are looking for compelling content around issues like this.
In pride and strenght,
Mykel
29. Dear Ones,
During all these years of e-mailing, receiving and sending, forwarding, etc., I have never blanket-forwarded an e-mail to my entire address book. Until today. The attached e-mail from our dear friend (and next door neighbor) Gary is so earnest, eloquent and heartbreaking, that I am compelled to pass it on to as many people as possible. Please read it and if you are so moved, forward this beautiful and heartfelt missive on. Minds can be changed when a large somewhat intangible issue becomes suddenly.......personal.
Thanks so much for your time.
A happy and healthy New Year to you all.
Michael
30. Dear Gary,
I called your priest. I was surprised that he answered his phone. I
told him that my father was from Uniontown, PA and our family has PA
ties back through the generations. I told him I was deeply saddened
that a man in his position would use his pulpit to spread hate. [see
Gary's letter below for back story]
He said, as you can imagine, that marriage was between a man and a
woman. That is the Catholic position and has been for 2000 years, that
marriage was a sacrament and part of catechism and that even divorce
was not tolerated in his church - no divorced person would ever receive
communion.
I said those were man-made rules. The first and most important thing
Jesus stood for was love. He was the Prince of Peace. Anything used
to divide people and that lacked human compassion was anti-Christian
and hateful.
He said I obviously wasn't Catholic because there was no debate about
the issue of marriage and that this isn't an issue of hate.
I said, I know you're a deeply devoted man and must be very intelligent
to have risen to be the leader of such a large church. I asked if he
could use that intelligence to see that his words not only inflicted
immediate pain to long-time members of his flock but are the very seeds
of violence. How many times have people been hurt or killed because
the Church deemed them lesser than everyone else? I said God created
everyone in His own image and made no mistakes. Some people are simply
born Gay. What gave him the right to put down or bring hateful action
against God's creations?
Once again, he brought up the Catholic Church and said anyone who
doesn't follow the exact laws of the church was simply not a Catholic.
Of course, I hadn't expected an immediate and contrite apology, so I
knew that calmly stating my facts wouldn't sway him. But I told him
that his words and actions were causing good people to rise up and
speak out against him, his actions and his church. This was the only
time he became heated in our converstation. He said he welcomed it, as
that was all part of his job.
So be it.
Gary, I'm hoping that this whole group of my friends reads what you
wrote below, calls Monsignor Riffle and tells him what they think about
what he's doing. Just one or two calls may not make a difference, but
dozens of calls will.
I left messages with the aides at Arlen Specter and Casey's offices as
well. It only took a little time but I know that energy spent can
bring change in the world. I'm urging my friends to use their energy
in the same way.
I am reminded of that great address by Pastor Niemoller to the U.S.
Congress in 1968;
"When Hitler attacked the Jews
I was not a Jew, therefore I was not concerned.
And when Hitler attacked the Catholics,
I was not a Catholic, and therefore, I was not concerned.
And when Hitler attacked the unions and the industrialists,
I was not a member of the unions and I was not concerned.
Then Hitler attacked me and the Protestant church --
and there was nobody left to be concerned."
This is an election year. I agree that misguided hate groups are
trying to swing Pennsylvania and thereby further destroy America. I am
joining you to stop that. The seeds of hate can't be allowed to
flourish because the soil was uncaring or too busy.
Love
Your Pal,
Alyson
31. Dear Gary,
You guys are my heroes. Over and over I'm reminded or your goodness and courage. You inspire us all.
Many years ago, my mother had an active writing correspondence with the priest (who, by the way, I've always assumed was gay) who was the rector of the seminary that my brother had attended. In one of her letters, she must have been having issues with the church or God or something that had challenged her faith. I didn't see the letter but years later, she showed me his response to her. Knowing my mother to be a person of unshakable faith, his response included a line which for me contained probably the most beautiful words I've ever seen written on a piece of paper: "Madam, when your faith wavers, I shall be lost forever!"
Gary, I give these words as a reminder to you, a person of faith, that that faith isn't for an institution run by mortal and sadly fallible beings but for a power much greater. The catholic church is no more representative of God than you or me.
Thanks for your continued friendship and constant inspiration.
Love,
m.
32. Hey Michael,
Thx for sharing this.
You might want to have this person speak with MassEquality – they not only can offer solace to him but give him very real and EFFECTIVE strategies – it was Mass Equality’s patience, tenacity and, over time, well honed techniques that worked in Massachusetts – and it was NOT easy, we have many very conservative Catholic politicians but MANY of them were so moved by the very real individual stories that they heard that they REVERSED their votes!
All the best!
Btw .. I’ll be in FTL next week
Rich
33. Tony, I understand. Even though these pastors are in affect acting on broadly established policies, it still ends up being personal, as there's no other way to take it when our own families are being slandered. Chris' mother took years to come around to finding any kind of acceptance of our relationship, mainly because she had been counseled by her Catholic pastor not to accept her son for what he was. We only recently told her about our wedding, and were relieved that she agreed to come. The main reason we waited so long to get married in the first place was to have time to bring her to this point. So know that your story hits home for us as well.
I so admire you two, and I love the thought of you doggedly standing next to that pastor, refusing to be ushered away. God, you're both so brave!
I look forward to the four of us getting some time together in the New Year. Let's please make that happen soon.
Love,
Brad (& Chris)
