67. Hi, Gary. I'm Carmen, Michael Anastasio's sister. Michael was extremely moved by your letter; I was equally moved and want to respond to you.
Although raised Catholic, and although I was very involved in the Church and school when my children were young, I am divorced and remarried. . .so you know what that means! No longer am I the same person, according to the Catholic Church, and even though my ex-husband was abusive, I was supposed to stay in that marriage or stay single for the rest of my life. And, to think that gay marriages are banned, when there are so many heterosexual marriages which need to end or should never have been blessed in the first place. Needless to say, I left the Church, not only for my own reasons, but also because of the "exclusivity" practiced by the Catholic Church. I really don't know how any organization calls itself a church when its doors are closed to certain groups of people.
I have expressed my feelings about the Catholic Church's views on gays whenever I "get an ear," (including my deceased parents, brother, friends). Fortunately, I live in an area of Louisville, the HIghlands, which tends to draw people who are open and accepting to all. I own a vintage/antiques shop, and am often amazed by some of the conversations I end up having with customers who just feel like talking about issues that trouble them, and frequently the topic is "inclusion" of all people, not "exclusion," thank God! I just recently had a conversation with a couple at my shop (who I later invited to our home) about their church, a United Church of Christ (or, Unitarian, I believe) and the possibility of my husband and me giving it a try because they welcome everyone. We've been without a church for quite awhile, but maybe this provide what we need. But you are right. . .the Catholic Church needs to hear from everyone how hypocritical some of their teachings are, and how damaging the brainwashing is for our young people.
Take care,
Love from Louisville,
Carmen Carter
68. Gary,
Mark just forwarded me your email about the mass and I
wanted to say how proud I am of you and Tony for
taking a stand and speaking up. Your BOTH heroes.
Your right about how lucky we are to call NYC home. I
was down in North Carolina for Christmas and it's no
surprise how backward they still are. One family
member had the balls to say "maybe you shouldn't wear
your GAY CLOTHES when we go out". Maybe good advice
if I'd been wearing chaps and a harness - but a tight
tee shirt and jeans??
I have an aunt (born and raised Methodist) who has not
been attending any services for years. In the past
year or so she has been feeling that need again and
told me she is thinking of taking RCIA classes and
joining the Catholics. She's in love with the ritual
of the mass, which I can understand, so we talked a
lot about the church and how it HATES ME simply
because I love Mark. It makes no difference what kind
of person we are, how we live our lives or what kind
of example we try to set for others. I am the ONLY
member of my family that has a happy relationship. My
parents were divorced, all three sisters are on the
second (or more) marriage, all my mothers sisters went
through more than one husband and the cousins are not
doing much better. I'm so very proud of our 16 years
together and get upset when people just blow it off
because were not "really married". It hasn't always
been easy and, other than raising children, we've
faced the same problems as most heterosexual couples.
But somehow our love is still not seen as valid. I
hope I've been able to change my aunts mind about
becoming a Catholic but I'm going to forward her your
email too. So, if it helps, keep in mind that your
helping to keep another fallen protestant from making
a big mistake.
Love (to Tony too!) – Wesley
69. I am always surprised that when faced with such rejection I am still hurt and sometimes immobilized by it. Ma says that we don't need a priest or the pope or even her to know our own truths and to find the answers to our questions. I was in darshan once with a famous Rabbi who explained that "God" had NO interest in our genitalia...that when he looked into our souls he saw only the light that illuminated us...the love that we have for ourselves and mankind. That when "He" looks upon the earth he sees not our State or National boundaries but only the empty stomachs of the hungry. It is they that we will all answer for when we get to "The Gates" ...NOT our individual expressions of love.
I don't possess the forgiveness that Tony and Gary lavish on their families but I certainly share their rage and I have at least glimpsed their painful rejection.
I am so lucky to have had Jews far outnumber Catholics in my heart.
My best,
Scott
70. Adri,
Thank you so much for your beautiful note. So many things have been running through my head this week since I received Gary's note. I have to admit that I really hadn't thought much about my Catholic roots since my parents died 8 years ago. Then here comes Gary's note and I realize it is all still there. I have just had so many other things going on and just put it out of my head, when I actually really need to look at my life more closely and realize that a lot of my struggles stem from the beliefs I was raised with, my parents beliefs, and the moment I came out to them. As I am writing this and putting it all in words it is a little overwhelming to think about - but I really need to, and write about it.
How wonderful that you found "your perfect match", and that you had someone like Gary that you knew you could turn to during your transition. I too attend MCC here in Tampa. I am still struggling to work out all the God and higher power stuff but I do believe and my life is finally on a spiritual path, thanks to recovery.
Gary and I met when we both lived in the UD Ghetto. I was actually attending Wright State University, studying acting. They weren't casting me so I auditioned at UD and was cast in their shows. I believe this is how I first met Gary but it could have been earlier. One of my fondest memories with Gary is going home with him to Greensburg for Thanksgiving. We had a blast. I had never experienced small town life and his family treated me like one of their own. We raided all the thrift stores and I was able to buy old 50s sports coats for all the guys In UD's production of Grease (which I had just been cast in) and outfit my self with a lot of old fun stuff for under $20 dollars - heaven! I love a bargain - and I am cheap and always broke! Met some of his High School friends, maybe even you, and ended up singing show tunes, from Pippen, in front of the Nowalk's piano! What a time. I ended up moving to Atlanta shortly after Gary did and then he went on to NYC where our contact became sporadic. As I got deeper into my difficulties we totally lost contact for a few years. So it is wonderful to have him back in my life as well. Thank you again for your amazing note. You and Gary have brought up a lot of things that I need to think about regarding my roots. And I am glad for it.
Take Care. I wish you and your partner all the best in life. And the best to her in her recovery. I have a big week here. I am turning 45 on the 12th and celebrating my 2 year anniversary on the 15th. I am cc: Gary. I hope you don't mind. I just thought he too would love what you wrote.
I have a guest room in my house. If you all are ever in the mood for a visit to the fun and sun in Florida please let me know and if we can work it out I would love to meet you both and have you as my guests. There are great meetings here, and we could see the sites and hit the beach.
Your new friend,
Charlie
71. FRIDAY, JAN. 11, 2008
Dear Gary:
First, I apologize for not responding to your upsetting and important e-mail. I am sorry.
ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE:
Second, I love that you have been such an integral part of "The Wedding Party" and an incredibly important part of the implementation of Gay Marriage. Gay Marriage is important to me too.
In reading your e-mail about your Church, I am sorry that you are so disappointed, angry, hurt, wronged, left-out, and all the other emotions that you are feeling. I think that religion can be positive. When I lived in San Diego, I found a Church who welcomed all people "who wanted to walk through their door and worship with them."
That was their mantra. Anyone who wanted to be a part of their Church was O.K.
In 2001, they decided that this was the first year that they would March and Carry Their Church Banner in San Diego's July 2001 Gay Pride Parade. I thought that they were courageous and morally sound to do this.
Unfortunately --- and yes, there is an unfortunately, my friend, Gary --- the problem with religion is that they don't support a human to use the brain that God gave them. They prefer that a set standard of practices are followed. I feel that every situation needs to be assessed fairly. Every situation needs to be assessed soundly. This is where my brain comes in. The Church --- religion and dogma --- do not employ such sound thinking. I have a problem with this. I think that it is dangerous behavior.
******************************************
Gary, we will have Gay Marriage. I believe that. One important advantage we have is that we are in the right. That gives us all the power that we need.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said: "Justice is Love correcting all that stands against Love."
Bayard Rustin said: "We are all equal. If we do not know that, we are going to learn it the hard way."
We are learning it the hard way.
Bart Pap
72. I am so proud to call you friend, Gary!
Love to Tony.
Your bro Bobby
73. Gary,
Good morning sexy man! Wow, I hardly know what to say in response. Your powerful email has resonated with and in me since the day I received it. I applaud you and Tony for your courage and conviction. We need more people like you in our community!
Hope you both are well otherwise and also little beautiful Piper! Would love to see you guys again soon!
Ciao,
ME
74. Gary,
Incredible email. Thank you for including me on your
list and for working for our rights.
Hope to see you and Tony soon.
Much love,
Katie
75. Hi Anthony. Hope all is well. How's Gary and your precious angel?
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I am so angry reading this. I feel so bad for Gary. I moved to PA thinking it would be a better life but I'm not so sure. Not so long ago we had spray painted on our garage door Bitch and asshole. Brandon found it. We couldn't figure out who did it and why since we keep to ourselves. We have a few friends in our area but we mostly have family and friends that we've known for years come over. We do love our home but I've known from the begining it's not where I want to die in. Unless there is some major change.
Isn't it funny that when I was married to a man that was abusive that was fine. But how ironic , I would go to St. Patrick's Catherdal every day after my office job before I went to work at my night time job at Barnes and Noble. I prayed so hard to meet someone who would love me and my children and take me out of the life I was living. Terrified to go home. Every day at church praying to St. Jude and the Blessed Mother. Donna came into my life. God doesn't judge me or love me any less because of who I am. I worry about Chelsea being a lesbian. I want her to feel safe.
I'm so sorry both Gary and you had to experience this.
Please keep in touch and we would love to see you.
Talk to you soon!
Love ya lots!!!!!!!!!!
Louisa R
76. Dear Gary,
Thank you for this excellent and highly informative email. I admire your anger, and the way you channel it into action - action by yourself and action by others. There should be more people like you. And by doing what you do, I think that there actually will be more people like you!
I have just one worry. It seems that your capacity to notice hate and injustice, your skills to allow and recognise and channel your own anger, and your conviction that you and many others should learn from injustice noticed and from anger recognised -- It seems that all that is causing you more pain than you deserve. So on the one hand I would want to applaud and encourage you to go on exactly as you are doing, but on the other I would want to make you less vulnerable, less exposed to the pain involved. Please do look after yourself. I know Tony looks after you in many ways, but you also need to protect yourself from getting hurt too much in this important fight. I hope you will forgive me for this fatherly, almost pastoral advice. Perhaps you could take more comfort from the fact that you are not only on the right side, but also on the winning side. And from the fact that even among the worst homophobes many are simply blind or stupid, or as has been said: they don't know what they are doing. They are wrong, but I believe that many of them are not out to hurt you personally. So please don't let their misguided irrational fears hurt you. Not too much at least...
I am not sure I have put this clearly and considerately enough. Sorry for that. I am simply (if that were the right word) suggesting that you could shield yourself mentally a little more from the hate that you so clearly recognise.
In loving admiration,
K e e s
77. Hi Gary! I hope you remember me from landmark. Being a immigrant and mixed race myself I can get a sense of what you are going through. Don't ever give up , love conquers all. It is never over until we say so. Gary I have been a personal assistant to a well- know journalist but it has been difficult to be there at this moment. If you know of anything please let me know. ( I have a reference letter from him)Thank You Raquel
All the Best
Raquel F
78. Dear Gary,
I will read every word of this because I truly know who for who you are this wonderful person who has allowed me to be myself and help your Dr. Lawrence Higgins with basic stuff like medical supplies. What I have learned is PRICELESS from your integrity honesty and as our friendship has developed over the phone over the last years I feel you are the most caring giving person I have ever met. I know you did not have to trust me after Theresa the office manager left but each and every time gary I heard your angelic voice I said one day gary will lead dr higgins practice. All I know that finally getting to meet you and Tony proved how you really are the same person over the telephone as you are in person! So as I always know I feel so much better after you and I speak about real stuff in life like helping people patients and ourselves to be better people. I really want to say that knowing you has really enriched my life personally and professionally, and being married with two kids shows me you are an amazingly loving soul who touches every person he comes into contact with. Knowing that at the end of every conversation you call me HONEY gets to the core of who you are and how I appreciate your REALNESS!
Larrylumerman
79. Hey Gary,
Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you....so long
that even Wesley got back to you sooner.
I am so proud of both of you. Sometimes I really miss
the church, but when stark reality rears its ugly
head, I'm so glad I'm so over all that.
I was at mass that weekend too, at st. vincent's with
my Mom, but there wasn't any display. And while the
priest/pastor mentioned it in passing before his
"real" sermon, he mainly just told you to see the
bishop's letter in the bulletin. Not as stinging, but
he's Just as guilty, if not more, for his hypocrisy.
As we were leaving, I got a bulletin, took out the
letter, crumpled it up, and left it on the sorry-ass
side table it came from. Then, my Mother and I went
home and had smart cocktails.
Thanks for sharing all that, and love to you both,
Mark
PS: You'll notice that I didn't capitalize anything catholic.
80. Gary...
This Juno account (*******@juno.com) IS my OLD account. Why I still get email here is a mystery to me. My new address is *******@comcast.net and I did, indeed, get your "another one bites the dust" email when you sent it originally.
It was incredibly disturbing! So disturbing that I forwarded it to a number of my friends, all of whom are Catholic and outraged! As for me, I am processing still. Yes, I am still teaching in a CATHOLIC school...and it has been a sort of personal hell for me all these years. I like to think, however, that my hell has been a godsend to a lot of young gay men and a few lesbians as well. I have had many occasions to "minister" to these kids and help them through some rough times...and it has been satisfying. I don't know whether or not I would have had the opportunity in a public school Whatever the case, I feel that I've done a little good over the years.
This current political push, however, is an abomination! I apologize that I did not respond to your sooner...to help sooth your pain. There was no excuse for that. I should have and could have set aside my own upset for a while to do so...but I didn't...and so there's nothing left to do but apologize.
What will I do about it? Where will I stand? I'm still not sure. This is a tough one and I want to make sure that the decisions I make are grounded and not merely emotionally based. I know you understand, so hang in there with me...and know that I support you and Tony in this. Stay well, Gary...and my best to Tony.
John
81. Dear Gary,
I initially did not respond to your email out of consideration for the potential volume of replies you might receive (I saw how many people you sent this to.) But after speaking with Tony yesterday (I had a massage appointment) he told me how the two of you read all of the emails and how much they meant to you.
I initially was going to write that I'm sorry you had to experience such a thing and that I support you and Tony with all my heart.
I think the only way we can change people's minds about such things is education. Each semester, for example when I teach at a community college, I choose a topic where I can introduce a gay/lesbian issue where the class can discuss this. A popular choice is showing the documentary about Harvey Milk. I teach him under the heading of being a "revolutionary" but invariably it opens up about gay and lesbian issues overall, and to me, each time it leads to an opening and understanding.
As far as the catholic church goes, I understand the frustration. I no longer go to church (being raised a catholic) and haven't for quite some time. Actually, I remember one time going to church as a kid and the priest talked about the evils of the television show "Three's Company." I remember thinking even then, "this is what the church needs to preach about?" And, I loved that show! Was I sinning by watching it?? I took it upon myself to think that they were full of it.
Lastly, my parents divorced when I was a kid, and my mom (being a good catholic) felt the need to get an annulment (as she would still be married in the eyes of the church and would not be able to receive communion.) This was in the late '70s and my mom had to borrow the money to get this annulment (which cost somewhere in the $5,000+ range.) That was another thing that turned me off about the church.
Anyway, this is a long way of saying I'm sorry to hear that you had to experience such a thing, but know that there is a whole world of people who love and support you and will continue to fight against such small mindedness wherever it is.
Lots of love,
Don
82. Gary,
I am with you.
Brian L
83. Gary, I worked for the Catholic Church for 14 years. Every year when it came time to sign my contract, I would have to read the included morals clause. Of course, this must not have pertained to some
of the priests that destroyed children's lives. Technically, I could have had an abortion, kept it a secret
and retained my job. If I would have decided to carry the child to term, my job would have been lost.
Unbelieveable and moronic thinking strikes again!
The first two things that I taught my son about God were, "God is love" and God wants you to
help others. This reminds me so much of you and your family. God does not define love as between a man
and a woman. When you wrote about Tony coming to get your parents and standing up for your relationship,
I cried. If that ain't love.............. nothin' is! Gary, I know you learned love from your dad. He would often
talk with me when I was visiting my dad at the Manor and he was visiting your grandma. He had so much
love in his heart for not only your grandma, but all the patients. I watched him talking with people that never
received visitors, feeding patients, wiping noses, cleaning eyeglasses.............. etc. The church was
built from that doctrine, not the political bullshit. Organized religion has caused so much sorrow, not
to mention wars and hatred of others. Gary, continue to love. You and your father are a shining example
of what "God is Love", truly means!
Connie
84. Gary,
Attached is the letter I wrote. I'll mail it out on Tuesday (no mail today or
tomorrow). I sent it to the clergy on your list, and the Catholic Accent.
Hope it helps!
*hugs*
Jaime
85. Dear____________,
I am writing on behalf of my dear friend Gary Spino, a native son of Greensburg, PA whose multigenerational Catholic family has been and still is a cornerstone of the Our Lady of Grace Parish. This past Christmas Gary went home to visit his family in Greensburg and as he put it, “There I was sitting with my parents at church as I always do when I go home. Just happy that they are alive and somewhat healthy and that I get to be with them for that hour”. What happened next has shaken him to the core, has saddened me about the current actions of the Catholic church and has motivated me to write this letter. Monsignor Raymond Riffle delivered a holiday sermon, not of peace and acceptance, but of intolerance and hate, stressing that gay people and same sex marriage are a threat to the institution of marriage and that the Catholic church must take a political stand to oppose this. The Monsignor’s sermon was part of the Pennsylvania Catholic Conference’s “campaign to save marriage in Pennsylvania” as the brochures being distributed stated.
I write to you as a friend of Mr. Spino’s but also as a Psychiatrist. You see, Mr. Spino is a gay man, together with his partner for more than a decade, married in Canada 2 years ago. He is dear to me in particular because he is one of the most happy and well adjusted people I know. He is blessed with a warm and loving heart the magnitude of which has the power to renew one’s faith in humanity. He is the guy who cared for the needs of an elderly house-bound neighbor until her dying day. He is the guy who plants and cares for the flowers up and down his Manhattan street. He is that rare man who has the capacity to be there for you in both your best times and your darkest days. Gary was emotionally devastated by the sermon and the campaign it represents.
The reason this affects me as a Psychiatrist is this. If this message of intolerance… of hate, this decidedly un-American and hatefully un-Christian message could have the devastating emotional effect it has had on Gary, a man in his mid-forties with a loving supportive family and hundreds of friends, imagine the way a troubled gay teen might be affected. As you may know, gay kids are 3 times more likely to commit suicide than their peers. This type of rejection…a message that alienates gay people from their families, their communities, and their God and suggests that they are not due the rights of other Americans causes grave emotional damage to gay kids and adults alike.
Short of the tragedy of suicide, this message indoctrinates gay people in self-loathing and can cause depression, relationship difficulties, substance abuse and fractured families. When a gay teen is rejected by his family because they learned at church that he is an Abomination, how is this helping to promote family values?
Pressured to be something they are not under threat of losing all they hold dear, gay people enter into marriages only to leave their spouses and children devastated when they ultimately realize they are and always were gay. All of this was made painfully clear to me when I embarked on a project to produce a documentary film, sponsored by psychiatrists call “Abomination: homosexuality and the ex- gay movement”. Through the making of the film and it’s screening at festivals nationwide I came to understand the immense pain and toll on mental health that this type of rhetoric takes. I have spoken at national Psychiatric conferences on the topic as well. Hundreds of gay adults after seeing the film, have approached me in tears still bearing the wounds and battle-scars that are the result of being told that what they fundamentally are is unacceptable, a message they primarily are hearing in church.
The political religious campaign being launched within the Catholic church is a dangerous and recklessly irresponsible one. It seeks to degrade an entire group of people even as it says it is trying to help them. It fails to take responsibility for the psychological damage that it leaves in its wake. But most offensive and inappropriate is that the church, from behind the safety of its non profit status, not having to pay taxes, has launched a campaign to deny American’s their fundamental rights to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the name of God. This is truly an Abomination.
Gary is a shining example of Christian values alive and well in secular life. His loving and monogamous same sex relationship stands strong as others fall prey to affairs and divorce. He is a loving father, cherished by his daughter. And he is just one of many thousands of committed, responsible, loving gay couples who not only are NOT a threat to the institution of marriage, but who truly appreciate the gift and responsibility that is marriage. In a world where a straight teen can go to Vegas and marry a friend on a whim only to have it annulled the next day, the same sex-couples I know want and deserve the right to marry to honor the commitments they have made to each other and to protect the rights of the children they are raising together. In fact they value marriage so much they are willing to go to another country to have their vows legitimized.
The God I know is smiling on men like Gary Spino. The town of Greensburg should be welcoming and proud of it’s native son. His parents should not be made to feel ashamed, alienated or unwelcome in the church their ancestors helped to build. Look at what you are sacrificing to achieve your political agenda.
Monsignor Riffle , Bishop Brandt and members of the Pennsylvania Catholic Conference…you have no right to place an obstacle between God and one of his sons as you have. Your actions are driving away parishioners and their families. They are damaging souls in a way that you must take personal responsibility for. And on behalf of every gay person who attends your church as well as their families, I would ask you to keep your politics where they belong…in the voting booth…and not in the pulpit.
Governor Rendell, Senator Specter and Senator Casey I ask that you pause for a moment to realize that our laws reflect our values as a society, and our values communicate who is and who is not welcome on American soil. My ancestors came to this country to escape oppression in their homelands. I will always love America for being a haven of tolerance, a melting-pot where our differences are celebrated. A place free of caste or class structure in which a man can be judged (as the Rev Martin Luther King Jr. said) on the content of his character. We count on men like you to prevent America from drifting away from its values.
I believe that we as Americans value the notion that we are at our best when we are in love, in committed relationships and family focused. If that is true then we must support same sex people who share that value and want their relationships acknowledged and protected. To have one’s family legitimized, celebrated and protected by local and federal government is part of the American dream, it is a dream each American is entitled to. But to have this denied is more damaging than you would imagine. My grandparents would be appalled to learn that their glorious America was willing to take taxes from citizens while telling them they were less than and less deserving than their neighbors…perhaps they would have wished they had immigrated to Canada. They would certainly be glad they did not immigrate to Greensburg.
Thank you for your consideration,
Alicia S
86. Dear Friends,
For those gay people and friends of gay people who remain Catholic in spite of the Church's anti-gospel, homophobic diatribes and pogroms, it becomes more and more difficult to hang on by threads to the Roman Church each time the hierarchy (including parish pastors) preach hate against gay people and their civil rights.
Many of us have had to decide to keep our Catholic Faith, but let go of the Catholic Church.
Every time the present homophobic pope --- who gay people must call Maledictus --- opens his mouth to pervert the gospel message against gay people, he joins the KKK, and the Nazi's, and Christian fundamentalists, and Muslim fundamentalists in the gay persecutions.
The homophobia of the Church's hierarchy is even more sickening when we acknowledge that the vast majority of them --- and of Catholic priests in general --- are self-hating, hypocritical, closeted homosexuals.
Who can look at Benedict the XVI and not see what a big closet queen she is, with her three cats and designer red velvet slippers.
I guess the devil really does wear Prada.
How deeply disturbing it all is.
This is why so many gay men and lesbians no longer practice their Catholic religion, or even if they find their way clear to attend mass and receive the sacraments, they simply cannot support the Church financially in any way.
The Church says it is not homophobic, yet it defends the sanctity of marriage only in the arena of attacking civil marriage for gay people, while it sits idly by and says nothing about civil divorce and civil remarriage undermining the sacrament of marriage.
Why is this?
This is because Homophobia is part of the main agenda of the Catholic Church at this time in history.
Please take a few minutes to read the short article below that appeared in Gay City News this week.
Let me know what you think, if you would like.
I wish I could sing, with our Black brethren, "We Shall Overcome", on this Martin Luther King day --- and have some hope that we actually will some day be first class citizens --- and not the unwanted children of a lesser god and Holy Mother the Church.
Pax vobiscum,
Jim & Will
87. Hi my dear,
I was aware u were spending holidays there and noone of them have a PC.
I read about the suching matter at the church...I was very disgusted. As i told you I don't go to chiurch anymore and I don't like what they say...and now after this episode I'm more sure than before. I think that any person before being a "good Chatolic" ,as they mean, should be able to be a PERSON!!! and in my mind to be a person meens to have respect for others, for their lifes, beliefs and liberties!!
I'm really close to you and If I can do something just ask me, I will do my best. I really can't believe it...since I'm back in Italy I'm spending so much time telling all my friend about your family (u 2, Piper and alicia&her wife) and all the love and the good atmosphere around Piper...that I was feeeling so loved with you and that I believe that most "regular" families over here can't be compared with your. You know what I think about you and most of all how I think you are so good suns, brothers, cusins, friends,fathers and educators!! In telling my freinds about you, sometimes happened to me to discuss because people here (also if they are my age)aren't used to these kind of families but at the end I was able to let them get my point and I was so happy because some of them would like to met you!!!
About me...I'm getting back to my MIlan life, that seemes so empty...cause I really miss my NY life and all the thigs we used to do togheter.
How is Piper??? please give her a big kiss from me.
Love u guys!!
XO XO
Annalucia
p.s. I'm sorry for my eglish but was very difficultto write about this situation!
88. Dear Gary,
I breaks my heart to read about Our Lady of Grace and the way you were treated. Having lived in London for so long Greensburg always seems like some strange 1950’s movie that I visit every now and then to see my parents. When I try to describe it to my therapist she just can’t really get to grips with what a regressed retro place it is. I can’t really believe it used to be “home”
I so applaud the way you and Tony stood up to the small minded priest. The Catholic Church that I used to belong to disappeared a long time ago. When I was a teenager it seemed like a place where we were encouraged to think for ourselves, but sadly that whole Vatican 2 movement has long gone. The catholic church has become as unthinking as the evangelicals with their “Adam walked with dinosaurs” business. In a simple equation:
God = What I say he is -- and I know because the bible/the pope tells me so (delete as appropriate)
Anything else = EVIL.
In psychotherapy terms it is a very primitive defence against fear and anxiety. Small children use it. Superstitious societies use it. It appears in prisons and schoolyards as people try to manage fear without using that latter development in humanity: the ability to see beyond the Self and the accept the Other.
I think It’s why so many of our friends are drawn to places like NYC and London – multicultural places where the Other is the Norm.
I feel so sad that so many people never progress to being able to think for themselves. I guess I have given up on changing the USA, the Catholic Church or anyone who isn’t open to change. But I also believe that (to paraphrase) all it takes for evil to thrive is for thinking people to do nothing.
I especially admire what you wrote at the end: “Remember that it is about love, and let your voice flow from that place”
Gary, you and Tony embody the word love, you embrace it as you embrace and include other people around you, letting them share in your love. That’s why being around you and Tony is such fun.
And I pity those who don’t allow themselves to bask in the love you two share.
Love
Mary xxx
89. I did not get this letter!!!! OMG. I am so sorry that you had to endure that crap, and BRAVO again to Tony for what he did after mass. You BOTH are brave and doing what is right, but you know that!!! Fight the good fight!! I will do what I can in my little way.
lovelovelove
A—
90. Hello Gary,
Absolutely!
Let us know if she needs anything or some simple expat time at a pub.
Good to hear from you - lots of luck with your Catholic issue - ugly stuff indeed.....Thank goodness this is a non issue in Canada - you guys need to move to Vancouver - you are spinning your wheels too much.
Marnie & Pascal
91. I am an observant Roman Catholic (not gay) and when my local church tried that kind of hate rhetoric I was livid. I can only wonder how much greater was your pain. After the Mass I threw the brochures in the face of the priest. On another occasion, when a priest in a different church talked about preserving marriage I scolded him after church - I knew him to be gay because he was a friend of a friend "you should be ashamed of yourself" was what I told him.
Ponder this - states with Catholic populations are doing the most for lgbt families. The state with the largest percentage of Catholics is - Massachusetts. This hate is coming down from on top. What is bubbling up from the pews is altogether different. The Connecticut legislature is 65% Catholic and they passed civil unions without a court order. Catholics in the pews don't take guidance on their own sexuality from the Vatican - why would they they guidance on yours?
Marianne G. C.
92 Gary,
I wanted to tell you that your letter brought me to tears. I felt the hurt and anger right along with you as I read (certainly not to the degree that you felt it) and I just cannot believe the intolerance that still exists in our society. It makes me sick to my stomach that people in the highest levels of leadership are this narrow minded and cold. I will certainly do anything that I can to raise awareness of these injustices. I am proud to call you and Tony my friends, and I love you both. Things have to change sometime right?
Jon (Amy's husband)
93. The Catholic Church has a long history of being anti gay....and anti-everything else that was pleasurable.
Jesus said all that? Now Benedict is going to make a ruling on the proper Catholic usage of condoms. I can hardly wait (lol).
I recall a horrible story of the Catholic Church's war on "crimes against nature" during the Renaissance when they had a 15 year old boy named Giovanni di Giovanni paraded through Florence on a donkey, then stripped, castrated and, opening his cheeks, burned his anal opening with a red hot iron "where the sin happened" as they put it.
Burning teenage lovers or adults, the Church ok'd in Venice at the Place San Marco. Yet in France they forgave history's worst serial killer, SIR GILES DE RAIS,Machecoul Castle, killed over 1,000 kids for sex and tore them apart. Clerics were his assistants in luring youngsters to their doom. Story says Sir Giles is buried with honors under the main alter of Nantes' Cathedral. This took place in the 1440's. Peasants were "expendable" , I guess.
To be fair I went to a Catholic High School around the early 1970's and I suspect it was a hot-bed of "liberation theology" because I recall what a cleric said in religion class on sex, "...a physical sharing between two people...the ultimate form of sharing and mutual trust....". Someone asked if this meant a boy and girl...and he repeated that sentence. For the first time I felt a sense of belonging within the Catholic Community. It didn't last long because ...a long story...family was against a friendship that "look un-naturally close"...a long story I don't want to get into(or you want to, either, I'm sure,lol.).
Paulo
94. Hi Anthony. Hope all is well. How's Gary and your precious angel?
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I am so angry reading this. I feel so bad for Gary. I moved to PA thinking it would be a better life but I'm not so sure. Not so long ago we had spray painted on our garage door Bitch and asshole. Brandon found it. We couldn't figure out who did it and why since we keep to ourselves. We have a few friends in our area but we mostly have family and friends that we've known for years come over. We do love our home but I've known from the begining it's not where I want to die in. Unless there is some major change.
Isn't it funny that when I was married to a man that was abusive that was fine. But how ironic , I would go to St. Patrick's Catherdal every day after my office job before I went to work at my night time job at Barnes and Noble. I prayed so hard to meet someone who would love me and my children and take me out of the life I was living. Terrified to go home. Every day at church praying to St. Jude and the Blessed Mother. Donna came into my life. God doesn't judge me or love me any less because of who I am. I worry about Chelsea being a lesbian. I want her to feel safe.
I'm so sorry both Gary and you had to experience this.
Please keep in touch and we would love to see you.
Love ya lots!!!!!!!!!!
Louisa R.
95. "Never" is a very, very long time. The church (hmmm.
I though WE were/are THE CHURCH?)...only took about
500 years to apologize to Galileo...so...never? Well,
I don't think I'll go so far as to say "never"...but
maybe "close to never"...well...that's a bit more
accurate, I think.
Seriously, though...
Marriage is the only "sacrament" that is not
adminstered by a priest. It is only witnessed by the
priest. Those who administer the sacrament are the
two who exchange those beautiful vows. Marriage is
the bond that those vows create between the two. The
priest has little, if anything, to do with that.
now...the "bond" that is created is the same bond that
is created in various other relationships that require
committment...friendship, brotherly-sisterly
realtionship, father/son, mather/son...all all the
other ones. The bond, of course, is love.
I hold firmly to what St. John says in the scripture:
Gos is love.
I have believed that for a long, long time...and it
has gotten me into a lot of trouble on
occasion...especially when I say, as I am fond of
saying, I REFUSE TO TURN MY BACK ON LOVE...WHEREVER I
FIND IT. And that goes for the love-bond between two
men or two women as well. I cannot presume to tell
God when and where God may be! If God is Love, then
God is wherever Love is...and Love is obviously
between Gary and Tony....when/if they choose to follow
the tremendously burdensome dictates of
love...e.g....love is patient, love is kind...etc.
So...in my mind...gay marriage already exists! What
is being argued here is not "gay marriage" per se, but
whether the church or the state or either or both
should RECOGNIZE gay marriage. And, if the state
recognizes it, then that becomes a financial
consideration (so much boils down to money, doesn't
it?). If the church recognizes it, it becomes a
matter of creating a new theology to accommodate it
(not an easy task). Neither of those institutions
move quickly...so, I agree with you tht it will be a
long, long time...perhaps never...before the church
moves on this issue...and almost as long before the
government does.
I say...forget governments and churches and honor
Love/God when it appears...make the committment and do
the will of God! Let the other chips fall where they
may. Forget brochures and posters and campaigns and
all that other stuff. Let them know you are Christian
by your love, by your love...they will know you are
Christian by your love.
I am a gay man. It is a very small sliver of who I
am. I have never had the opportunity...or perhaps the
courage...to make the kind of commitment that Gary and
Tony have made to each other. In some ways, I am
envious; in other ways, I simply accept that my love
bonds have been more "catholic" in a sense...I love
many...and have committed to many: my students, my
family, my co-workers...many. In that sense, I
sourround myself with love bonds...with God. As I get
older, I see more clearly that I must choose the
battles I will fight...and this is not one of them.
Nothing the church can say...nothing the government
can say...will ever convince me that hate and
discrimination are stronger than love. Nothing! If
they want to go to the trouble of barring the church
door to me, then let them. I will stay away. If not,
then I will continue to enter...and do it my way. No
one but my God...my love bond...and I know whether I
am worthy to cross that threshhold and participate in
the Mass...and receive the sacraments...but..if "they"
should decide that I am not worthy, then let them. I
will not cross the threshhold any more...because I can
be in "holy communion" with the "body of Christ" in
many ways...not merely extending my hand at Communion
time. I AM in communion... that is to say "one with"
many all the time.
so you see, Loretta...I have stong feelings on the
subject...but not strong enough to stand with a picket
in front of the church door. I would rather spend my
life counseling (loving?) young men and
women...especially those who are gay or lesbian...in
the ways of loving in a godly way. I do not disagree
with those who picket, however; that is a different
choice from mine...and, I suppose, we both serve a
purpose...but it is not my way.
What IS my way is doing plays with kids (and I think
this will be my last one...because I want to do some
other things...mainly writing...in the waning days of
my life)...and \I am getting together the musical
"Once on This Island"...a wonderful little play all
about "passing the message on"...exactly what I am
doing as I end the "directing in high school" phase of
my life.
Now...tell me exactly when you are cantoring at St.
Cecilia's in the near future....and exactly how to get
there. Having a cup of coffee with you after Mass
would be a very pleasant way to spend a Sunday
morning.
JC
96. Hey Bud,
I've been traveling, but wanted to check and see how you're feeling since that bad day at the church.
Still makes me sad to think about that. I saw Tony's letter to the Tribune-Review. Thought he did a great job getting his point across--just enough outrage to get people's attention, but also measured and reasoned enough so that people would listen. That point about young gay Catholics dealing with depression and guilt, even to the point of suicide, should cut across all kinds of mindsets.
Anyway, like I said, keep in mind that you both have a lot of big fans back here.
Keep in touch,
Vince
97. Dear Editor:
It was with dismay that I read Anthony Brown's letter (published on January 16) about the Diocese of Greensburg's initiative to sponsor a "Marriage Protection Amendment."
The Roman Catholic Church vehemently supports separation of Church and State when the question is whether clergy should be mandated reporters of suspected child abuse. Despite the fact that the Church would not be required to validate any marriages against its teachings, Bishop Brandt seems to believe there should be no separation between Church teachings and civil statutes when it comes to merely providing equal civil rights, responsibilities and protections for committed couples. The Church can't have it both ways.
If the Church leadership wants to get involved in a "protection amendment," they should consider supporting the elimination of Statutes of Limitations for the sexual abuse of children. Opening avenues to real justice and healing for Pennsylvania's survivors of childhood abuse would do far more to justify the Church's claims to moral authority in civil law.
Anne Marie
98. An update to my reply .... The "knights of columbus" are going to be at this weekends' masses at my church with a petition against same sex marriage.
I don't plan on taking any active protest roll in the church. Like yours, the church is very, very important to my family. I guess your mom and dad were painfully torn between two things that sunday.
Thanks to Tony for the excellent letter to the trib that summed up the main issue and point.
Suzanne
99. January 26, 2008
Monsignor Raymond Riffle
1011 Mt. Pleasant Road
Greensburg, PA 15601
Dear Sir,
I have recently sent a letter to Pennsylvania elected officials, Governor Ed Rendell, Senator Arlen Specter and Senator Robert Casey. I’m sending a copy of that letter to both you and Bishop Brandt. I’m writing and sending this letter and the copy of what was sent to your elected officials in the hope that its meaning and logic will have an affect upon you and ultimately upon the entire hierarchy of the Catholic Church. I’ve been to your church, had the pleasure of meeting you, and have seen for myself how well accepted are the entire Spino family. Indeed, families such as this built your church and are today it’s very backbone!
The kind of thinking, and the actions you have taken, and are currently pursuing, belong to a different time, not to our enlightened time. Ultimately, these ill advised actions (pursuit of a constitutional change restricting marriage to a man and a woman) will drive more and more people from the Church, including fine people like all of the Spinos, including Gary!
Thank you for reading and considering my viewpoint.
The letter, which was addressed to each elected official, follows.
Sincerely,
Jerry S
100. I did see your letter to the editor. In the print edition, it was juxtaposed with another letter saying "great job" to the Catholic Church for standing up for what it believes in. I'm sure Mom will send you a copy.
People believe passionately on both sides of the issue. It's too bad it's an issue in the first place.
I just finished reading four books in a row written by African-American authors because someone on BookCrossing was looking for books to release at a National Park for Black History Month in February and I wanted to read the ones I had before sending them off on their journey. I read one by Melba Pattillo Beals, one of the Little Rock Nine who integrated Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, in the 1950s, and it was sickening and horrifying what she and the other eight students and their families were forced to endure because of the color of their skin and their insistence that they be treated as equals.
The hatred and violence was preached from the pulpit then, and even though I don't think the Catholic church is preaching violence towards gays and their families today, they are preaching intolerance even if they say they are not. They are trying to protect what they see as "theirs"--the right to marriage and all its benefits--by keeping it from others who desire it just as much. Discrimination is discrimination whether it's against blacks, gays, Jews, Muslims, women, men, tall people, short people, fat people, thin people, or TV writers.
With all that said, have a great day! :D
Love ya,
Susan
101. HELLO,
I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU. I TOO DON`T AGREE WITH SOME OF THE WAYS OF THE CHURCH. I CRIED WHEN I READ YOUR LETTER. I BELEIVE A FAMILY IS MADE UP OF PEOPLE (NO MATTER THE GENDER) WHO LOVE EACH OTHER. JUST REMEMBER, GOD MADE US AND HE LOVES US FOR WHO WE ARE NO MATTER WHAT. AS LONG AS WE ARE GOOD TO EACH OTHER AND TREAT EACH OTHER WITH LOVE IN OUR HEARTS HE LOVES US. PLEASE STAY STRONG AND REMEMBER LOVE EACH WITH ALL OF YOUR HEARTS!! A FAMILY IS LOVE AND YOU HAVE THAT.
LOVE,
KATHY
102. Hi Gary,
Ben Pitkin (Jaime's husband) here. It was hard to read your email. I'm
sorry you face this sort of medieval attitude in your own church. Sorry,
but not entirely surprised, I'm afraid. I know what I see when I look out
on the world; I can only imagine how things look in your eyes.
With apologies for the delay, I've drafted the attached letter, and sent
copies to Msgr Riffle, Bishop Brandt, the PA Catholic Conference, and
Greensburg Catholic Accent.
By the way, have you seen the Conference's web site?
http://www.pacatholic.org/
Front and center on the home page is this statement: "As members of a
democratic society, we have a responsibility to see that our government
respects and promotes the dignity and rights of all..." and just below,
without a trace of irony, is a banner that bleats "JOIN THE EFFORT TO
PROTECT MARRIAGE IN PENNSYLVANIA". Kinda hard to reason with a group that
fails to see the absurdity of juxtaposing those two statements.
Hope all is well with you and Tony, and that we see you soon.
Best,
Ben
103. I sent you two e-mails so I guess you didn't get either. As you can probably tell, I don't spend much time on the computer. This past sunday { I wasn't there} the knights of columbus were at BSC masses with a petition against gay marriage. I didn't even have the blls to ask my family if the ignored it. Thanks to you and Tony for your activism!
Tara and I celebrated our 20th year together in 2007! We still don't have an official commitment though.
Yes, you had told me that adrian is gay, but not that she had left a straight marriage and is now married again. I always liked her personality.
Thanks, I needed that hug!! Talk to you later. I'm so glad you've kept in touch with me!!!!
Suzanne
104. howdy,boys!
'howdy'? i think that's a fitting greeting when writing from the armpit of the south...but i won't be here too much longer- i'm moving back to nyc in a few months! stop thanking your lucky stars, i'm not there yet. sadly, my betrothed is quite ill right now, so we need to take it slow. god knows i'm ready... it's been way too long. i miss you both so much and have had precious little contact with you... hopefully that will change in the months ahead.
gary, i was forwarded an email sent out by you addressing your sadness about being let down by the catholic church. my brother christopher and i were both christened catholic... soon enough, my parents had a falling out over the more stringent doctrines, and we were
confirmed in the episcopal church; catholic lite. my sister mary katherine was baptized
and confirmed episcopal. i was an acolyte, my parents sang in the choir and we were at every conceivable church function.
that was then.
my parents still sing in the choir... none of their children attend unless as a favor on high holy days. mary katherine married a man from a pentecostal baptist background. he inexplicably (mary kate is not religious in the least) converted to please my parents...
another favor. christopher's gayness can be seen from saturn and we all know about dave,,, my sister could have married a muslim as long as she procreated. christ episcopal church, my parents' parish, has become increasingly anti-gay. not a big surprise, but my parents refuse to acknowledge what should be an outrage-or at least an issue- considering they have two gay sons who are both HIV positive. nice,huh? good times. i told my brother that the only thing i got joyful about was being cruised by a 20 year-old acolyte as he served me my communion wine... i felt as though i was genuflecting in a really ornate gay bar. god, he was gorgeous... soft lips,too. but enough sacrilege... i hate the church now, because gay parishoners are expected to listen to these priests regale the congregation with slur after slur
and remain silent... well, not i. i'm very spiritual, but organized religion has let me down time and time again... catholic altar boys aren't the only victims, take it from me. whew! enough.
anthony macgruder brown, esq. you never cease to amaze me and make me proud to know you, honey. i have always cherished the memories of our singing on the roof at the top of our lungs... the bells are ringing for me and my gal...classic. running lines with you when you were at julliard..."gee, dave you're really good at this!" always an honest and beautiful soul...you were my best bud.i miss you like crazy.i'm looking at a picture of us right now...your bicep dwarfing mine!! watch out... i'm thin and buff and as healthy as possible...ok, i still smoke. who would i be without my signature cig? god, i miss you two.
esca-later...
...dave
105. Gary: You don't know me...your email about your experience at the Catholic
church in Greensburg was forwarded to me by Shawn Dominick's cousin. I don't
know you or Shawn but I understand very much how you feel. As a Catholic gay
man, I do know the heartache. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that
we're trying to do some things here to get folks on the road to securing civil
rights for ALL.
I've been in touch with the producer/director of a documentary called "in good
conscience" (www.ingoodconscience.com), about a nun named Sr. Jeannine Gramick
and how she's been working on the Vatican to get LGBT folks treated fairly.
Will hopefully get it shown at the Unitarian Church in Ligonier. I'm still
working on the details. I hope this works out (and maybe get Sr. Jeannine
herself here to do a Q&A, who knows?).
Interestingly enough, I'm working on this screening just as I learn that the
Senate Bill #1250 is being introduced in Harrisburg to ban same sex marriage
AND civil unions. Of course, I've already started to get the word out..we've
already gotten folks activated between Central PA and Pittsburgh to start
spreading the word to contact the legislators. More and more folks are
starting to deluge the legislators' offices and phones to stop the
discrimination.
Also, trying to get folks to call legislators about passing HB1400 and SB761
(preventing discrimination in the workplace and in housing)...PA doesn't
include lgbt folks in their anti-discrimination legislation ,yet...with
everyone's help, we will!
Anyway, just wanted to let you know what's starting to go on around here. I
know you had a rough time while you were here but don't feel bad about what
happened. The breath of the Spirit will affect a lot of people! God's love
is eternal, discrimination can't survive.
Best regards,
Andy
106. We're daily trib readers, so we caught the letters right away. Excellent!!!!! And so great to see a young persons' point of view in print ............And so depressing not to be considered the young generation any more..............
My immediate family and I practice the "don't ask, don't tell policy! We are accepted at family gatherings and I hope to enlighten/ open young minds up(nieces and nephew). As far as in the business world we prefer the closet door to remain shut.
My mother called me last night to point out your letter and we talked this evening. I told her we keep in touch but didn't give her all the details. I'll tell her you said hello!
Talk to ya later.
S.
