34. Guess who my hero is? You Gary!! Because you actually took action instead of just sitting there stewing through Mass...you have done something that I have always wanted but felt too "cowed" to do it. I struggle with it still...the feeling of disloyalty to my mother if I say something against the catholic church, the feeling that I am being a "bad" girl (but why am I worried about that?!!), good grief! You and Tony constantly inspire me to be a better citizen and speak up for myself, say/do something to help change the world and make it better. It's easy for me to do this with friends - so, so difficult with my mother. One day, I'll find the courage to talk to my mom about my relationship with Kim - she knows but it's treated as the elephant in the room. I think she's afraid to condone it.
Anyway - you were in my dream last night (don't recall the dream though) but I have been thinking about you and Tony and wanted to wish you both a Happy New Year. We were in Pgh over the weekend after Xmas too but there's no going to church for us! My sister Gigi had her 25th class reunion that weekend (Sheraton Gbg). Love you bunches Gary...please give our love to Tony too (and Little Miss Piper!!).
See ya sometime?!!
Adri
35. Alyson,
I love you for calling Monsignor Riffle! Really, thank you and please know that you are making a difference, for all the reasons you stated. It isn't often when an acquaintance becomes a friend almost overnight. Your engagement, if I may use the obvious reference, on this issue is appreciated and is the reason for that transformation.
Please allow Gary and I to take your family out to dinner, or lunch, or a play date or something so we can thank you in person.
With so much Love,
Tony
36. Hey Tony,
Good for you to stand up for your rights re: The Christian Taliban. The Catholic Church has a nasty history of (among other things...) using its power to manipulate its followers to achieve political ends. I respect & support you for not letting them bully you. Stand tough!
Positive vibes from my family to yours...............xoTony, Alyson,
Ruby & Lake
37. Dear dear Gary, I haven't known you and Tony very long or very well but long enough and well enough to know what a decent, compassionate and loving person you are - you both are. To think that you could have been hurt in this way, that you have been caused such pain, in what is obviously such a particularly sensitive emotional place for you, in the bosom of your family...... my heart goes out to you and I have nothing but disdain disgust and rage for the twisted petty-minded creeps who, in the name of a God they obviously know nothing about (or family or marriage or the experience of a close loving relationship - although they do know, many many of them, hiding in disloyal denial in their closets, plenty about homosexuality), have coldly and uncaringly hurt so many people and will probably just go ahead and continue to do it.
I'm not Catholic and I don't believe in heaven-and-hell but if there is such a place there is sure as hell a place for such people. They are not worth one of your tears or one of your cries of retrayed rage.
My love to you both. Bill
38. Oh Gary, my heart is aching for you, but I am so proud of both you and Tony. You are both very brave to walk into that church and speak the truth. I haven't been in a catholic church for many years - weddings and funerals only for me.
But I appreciate that Our Lady of Disgrace means more to you than just a building. It's a safe place that isn't safe anymore :-( But that is the balance of the world, I think. People have the power to bring good and/or evil wherever they go. This Ray Riffle guy is so small, but it is like putting a tsp of ink in a gallon of milk ~ it can have a big effect. I think the same is true for you. All of your light and goodness and truth and love has an effect everywhere you go. You don't even know the impact you have had on this world, my friend. And your marriage just makes you exponentially more powerful.
Love to you and your wonderful husband from me and mine.
JoJo
39. Hey Gary & Tony:
Sorry to hear about your bad experince. Don't let the bastards get you down!
Ironically, I'm now back in Pittsburgh visiting my family. I'm a Sowepa too if you recall. I originally planned to be back the week between Christmas Eve & New Year's Eve, which is what I usually do, but the plan got "furhootzed" (is that a sowepa word?) & I'm back the first week of the New Year instead.
It wasn't during this trip, but maybe a year or so ago when I had a similar thing happen. The church I had attended (Saint Angela Merici) when I was growing up had built a whole new church & turned the old one into a school. My parents donated thousands of dollars towards this project & my niece attends the school. My parents pay for her tuition. They asked me if I would like to attend mass & see the new church. Upon my confirmation I summarily left the Catholic Church, aside from a few Dignity masses & funerals, but I was mildly interested in seeing the new church, so I agreed. Things started out pleasantly enough, but went downhill quickly when the priest started mouthing off about the "evils of gay marriage" & encouraged the congreagation to contact their legislators about the subject as it was a "threat to society."
Now I know that I have a big mouth (German family) & I LOVE to cause scenes, 2 things that do not endear me to many people. I had to come up with a way to deal with the situation as I was FURIOUS & remaining sitting silently in the pew was NOT an option. I knew that screaming out loudly (an old ACT UP tactic that I am famous for) would have absolutely mortified & embarrassed my parents, so I simply stood up & walked out, but did so in a way that EVERYBODY noticed. I went outside & waited by the car for the service to be over. When my parents came out at the end, they asked me if I was upset about "the marriage thing," to which I responded, "most definitely." We talked about it briefly, but my parents are elderly & set in their ways, so arguing about it will not solve anything.
But I am thick skinned & don't take it personally. My thinking is that it's the new generation that will really change things, so the best thing for me to do is to be the best Uncle I can be to my niece & nephew. They are being brought up in that school with that religion, but they LOVE their Uncle Mark. If I do my job right, they'll do the work for me.
Mark
40. Gary,
Your story broke my heart and made my cry. Thank you for sharing it with me. I will do as you asked and keep the dialogue going. I was raised catholic, too, and quit going a long time ago. I almost feel like gay people should start going to mass visibly out and claim our space.
This kind of stuff must be so disappointing to jesus.
Becky
41. Gary & Tony,
I have had the privilege of knowing you both for close to three years now. It is because of you wonderful, powerful, intelligent, and caring men that I am back in school working on a positive path that will lead me to a healthier and happier future. Your capacity to see the positive in even the most painful experiences amazes and inspires me.
As you know I was raised in a Mormon family. Thankfully my parents and family were educated and understanding about my sexuality. I was accepted and embraced by them. The church I spent 24 years attending, for whom I served a honorable mission of service for two years as a missionary in Portugal, had no place and no understanding for me. Their point of view was that being gay is my choice and that I am choosing to follow the temptations that Satan was whispering in my ear. I think we all know that being gay is not a choice. Not the way they would have us believe. I finally had to stop going to church all together because when I went I would be filled with so much anger at the ignorance and misunderstanding that was directed at homosexuality. I was very sad because I still believed with all my heart in the gospel of Jesus Christ and I know he has a purpose for me, a special purpose that required that I was gay. I also feel that I knew coming into this life that I would be this way and that I accepted this path, however difficult. Unfortunately teaching people about bigotry and ignorance is not an easy feat and change is very slow to take hold. The same men and women that are putting up signs and brochures calling gay men and women destroyers of marriage and the undoing of the family are the same people that denied women equal rights in society, who segregated blacks and condemned them for the color of their skin, and who enslaved the chinese at the turn of the century calling them nothing more than the human equivalent of a common street dog.
What we need is more brave, inspirational, lionhearted leaders like you both to teach and educated our brothers and sisters who walk in the darkness of bigotry. I always found it amusing that these people who fight so hard to "preserve the sanctity of marriage" always claim that marriage has always been defined as between a man and a women. They claim that they believe whole heartedly in the bible. Well if we are reading the same book, and the prophets of God that they attest to be true are in fact called of God to be prophets how interesting that a majority of them had multiple wives. Try counting how many father jacob, Isreal, had. Not easy and not only that when the wife wasn't convenient for his purposes his their handmaids were a called upon to bear children for these prophets. Sound like a non-traditional family to you? Yeah me too.
Like I said, its ignorance. People don't take the time to study and think about the things that they are arguing. They simply take the words of their clergy to be "gospel" and form their conclusions form a place of ignorance. Besides what would they prefer? That instead of being honest men and women we turn into liars who marry their daughters or sons only to appease their puritanical ideals. wouldn't that just lead to a higher divorce rate than that of their "sanctified" 50%.
I probably spewed out more than I should have but like you I get enraged by these types of situations because I know that I am doing what the Lord wants me to be doing and that he and only he is my judge and redeemer.
I love you both very much and wish you the best in everything.
You are both heroes and champions to me.
I am thankful that I have the honor of counting myself among your friends
Brent Q
42. Hi Gary,
I wrote a letter to the Pennsylvania for Marriage initiative via their website, in their Contact Us section. I identified myself as a straight man who was married in a Catholic church who thinks that this program is wrong.
http://www.pa4marriage.org/index.php?pID=2
Who knows who is reading those emails from the site, maybe a sad intern, or who knows, maybe someone higher. I think it's important that as many people as possible at least post their opinion to the site. Even if you make the sad intern question why the hell they are working for this program, a difference has been made.
Tana
43. Oh Gary. My heart is with you.
As I know you know, spirituality takes many forms and although Catholicism is traditionally the way you and your family have chosen to worship, it sounds like this particular parish is far too offensive to be a part of your life.
I am glad to have been updated on what's been happening for you, as painful as it has been in this particular area. The Only Way Out Is Through.
All the best to you and Tony in 2008.
Nam myo ho renge kyo,
Roberta
44. Thank you so much, Gary, for including me in the group
of people who have received this wonderful message.
I'm sorry that you had to endure this painful
experience...
I'm grateful that you are processing it in this
way...and that so many of us are benefitting from your
journey--(which is all of our journeys).
how fortunate I was that day that i happened to meet
you and Tony on the subway in NYC!
happy new year to you both
cheers
Walker Jones
45. I feel your pain Gary. And, send you a big comforting Christ-like hug!!
Jerry
46. Gary,
I have no words that can effectually describe how sorry I am.
I have no words that will truly be able to take away your pain.
I have no words to tell you how very saddened and angered that this is happening in my
home.
I do however have a voice, and it is that which I am using to pass on the cause.
It is that which I am using to urge my friends, family, and local representatives to make a
change.
I am screaming at the top of my lungs.
And it is with this voice that I am telling you, that you make a difference. Every day, living your life as a proud man who is not afraid to love. For everything that The Wedding Party has done. For sending an e-mail that truly touches people.
You are not worse than war. You are something far stronger, you are love, and that is a far more powerful, formidable, and important thing. Please take care, and know that there are those of us who understand, and who are working towards a change.
Truth, knowledge, and worth,
Jess-Your friendly Palace Staffer
47. Dear Gary,
What a horrendous experience. My heart goes out to you and Tony, and I am inspired by the stand you both are taking.
I would like to invite you to come to services at my church, the Fourth Universalist Society. Gay and marriage rights are high up on our priority list for social justice at our church and in our denomination. We recently started an Interweave LGBT group. Their tagline is "Tired of being tolerated, and ready to be welcomed?" I think you would find a wonderful, warm, and inviting community that supports you and will nurture you spiritually as well.
I'm there almost every Sunday and would love to see you there. I hope you will come sometime.
Love and light,
Liz
48. What a sad story, my friend.
I can't believe you didn't tell us the other day.
I guess a lot of the old cloth are still fighting their own supression and can't bear to see others live their natural lives.
I hope there is a silver lining in PA somewhere.
Chin up and fight on.
Jez
49. Gary – I am so sorry to hear about this church treating you this way, AND putting your parents and your family in that position of having to struggle over what is clearly a foundation in their life and their love for you and what they know is right, but I guess life often puts those very choices before us. How disturbing to know leaders in a church are planning to direct their parishioners into a political choice to actively discriminate against us. It is insidious that this action is quietly going on in churches across the country. Tony has so much courage to stand up that way. We all owe you a lot for speaking out and making a stand. My heart is with you. I have never been more convinced that love will win out, but I have to ask, what in the world are people so afraid of?
Love you both so much,
-Anita
50. Mike,
WOW!!! Thank you for sending this. I'm forwarding it to several of my cousins, to friends at work, one of whom is a gay man originally from PA (and in a committed relationship), and whoever else I can think of. I have no idea what the repercussions (or support) might be but that doesn't matter. It's about what's right and wrong - and crap like this is simply wrong. Yes, every religion has a right to their particular beliefs but our constitution allows for separation of church and state, which this is NOT. Back when I was teaching, some right to life people came to the school (yes, a Catholic school) asking the teachers to pass out a list of candidates who were "pro-life." All the teachers, including the nuns, threw them in the trash. I think your friend did the absolute right thing. It's so ironic because the church I usually go to in Glasco was pretty much built by my Italian immigrant grandparents and is still a social hub for my extended family, so I can relate on that level also. Again.. THANKS for sending this to me. See you Thursday.
Gary and Tony, I don't know you but I thank anyway.
Gene
51. Dear Gary,
I just read your chronicle of your recent experience in your hometown church. I am so sorry for the pain you have experienced and mostly likely, sadly, will continue to experience. I’ve never understood the logic in the ‘defense of marriage” movement. A marriage is as strong as the two people that create it. I’ve never understood how this is threatened by how others choose to love.
I think I’ve said this to you already, given my druthers, I’d like government to get out of the ‘marriage business’; and replace the legal sanctions for the traditional family with laws which protect children. Given that that isn’t going to happen, it’s only fair that government give everyone the same rights that are conferred on married couples. While I’m on my soap box I would just as soon the government get out of the ‘religion business’ and stop conferring on various institutions (including all churches) the special status and tax exemptions they enjoy. Then whatever bigoted points of view they adopt would not be helped by our tax dollars.
All of this is very heady even if important. So I’ll end with saying the spiritual part, the most important part of your marriage is not made real by official endorsement. It’s created by the love you share with Tony. Probably the greatest political statement you’ll ever make on this issue is witnessed by anyone that gets to know you; for it’s obvious that regardless of how others with small minds may deny it, you two are truly married.
Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you both,
Love,
John
52. From my twin brother, who lately says he believes more in the Flying Spaghetti Monster than in Jesus.
12 years ago I was asked to fly back to Spokane, WA to my alma mater Gonzaga Prep High School - a Jesuit school - to speak to students during diversity week. I spoke to 5 periods of students - the max class size was supposed to be 40 kids. Each period I spoke at was packed with at least 200. Plus teachers. And priests.
I experienced proud support from every one of my former teachers. The priests who attended were warm and welcoming. The students asked intelligent, honest questions. The only negative feedback we got came from a few parents, weeks after the event.
Remember, this is before the days of "Will and Grace" and "Ellen" even.
That being said, the forces of conservatism that are gathering in PA and other states have the advantage of zealousness for their cause, vs the cautious acceptance of the moderates. You are correct in saying that in order to win against those folks in the short term, we have to match their zeal for our own cause.
You and Tony are wonderful men. I am proud to know you.
Love,
Michael
53. From Michael M.’s dad
It's sad. it's very hard to let go of the Church. So many good memories.
However one way to look at this that the movement for equality for gays is continuing to gain momentum. It can't be stopped. More progress has been made in the last 20 years than in the last 200 years. The Catholic Church leaders are old and not going to change.The future leadership will either have to change or watch the Church disappear.
Meanwhile you've got the Episcopal Church, the Church of Christ, the Unitarians, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster Church. (But of course this means you don't go to heaven!)
Love you
Dad
54. Gary, Tony:
For some reason, there was a twenty-four-hour lag time between you sending this and me getting it. (How technically savvy is Benedict XVI?). I’m dreadfully sorry for the naked assault you both had to endure at your church. As a congregant at Christ and St. Stephen’s Church here in Manhattan, I cannot imagine such a thing happening within the walls of my place of worship.
The only thing I can say in return is that it appears as though something powerful and new is happening in the country at the moment. After feeling such a free-dried sense of despair about where we’ve gone over the past seven years — and I have long roped in the previous eight as a series of foreshocks to the present tumult and dysfunction — I’m daring to hope that things may begin to improve, and perhaps even radically. The word change is in the air, and I believe in it, but I also sense a movement toward inclusion and reconciliation.
I’ve got a hundred Obama buttons in my apartment and in my pockets and even before the first two votes, I was giving away two and three a day. Let’s fight the forces of ecclesiastical intolerance with political action. If you can’t beat them from one set of chairs, move to another set. Others will follow when they see where the world is moving.
In the meantime, my love, support, and sense of feeling for what you, Tony, and your family endured is strong!
With love,
Tom
55. hey fellas,
i've had a lot of great encouraging responses, many people galvanizing
support and taking action in their own ways. this came from my friend
lynda on Big Island, Hawaii. thought you'd like it.
xox
aly
>
> Sorry about this, it is so upsetting.....I'm as leery of organized
> religionn as I am of organized government...they have always had too
> much money and power, and cannot represent ALL of the people that
> support them......they are on their OWN AGENDA. My sister/aunty was
> catholic. Their whole family, her sons went to catholic schools. Her
> oldest son was openly gay and died from Aids. the church would not
> allow her to bury her son in this tiny little catholic cemetery that
> he loved in Arizona because he was gay...........my aunty and uncle
> have not set foot in a church since then.....my poor aunty was
> tormented by this........Sorry for your dear friend............the
> catholic church won't change..........priest will still be raping
> their parishioners because celibacy is not natural.......the church
> must embrace all sexuality...that's what I like about Polynesian
> culture, it's not sinful, it's celebrating procreation, and
> happiness.....the word for "orgasm" in Hawai'ian is "Le'a". it means
> "extreme gladness".........hope this finds you mighty
> fine......breathe deeply the fragrance of the laua'e....and remember
> that YOU ARE GOD. and so is Gary..........remind Gary that he
> can create his own beauty by denying the ugly and unenlightened around
> him. Aloha Piha.........
56. John said everything so well - I want to second it.
And add a rousing "Go Tony!"
love,
Ellen
PS
Do I have great guys or what?!
57. Sorry to hear of your disappointment over this missive. From one Catholic to another; I too, agree with you and the Church should not be implementing politics with religion. I went to a Catholic school when I was young and my uncle was the Monsignor of the Church. "OUR LADY OF PERPETUAL HELP" been a very long time since I've attended Mass. Correct me if I am wrong...But! I was under the impression that the church has no power in courts/and or political issues????
In fact: it was quite ironic to receive your email last night and then I watched an episode of "QUEER AS FOLK" , and the topic was about getting people to vote for the very thing you are telling me. It seems to me that we are going back to the days of Quintin Crisp. Hopefully, this does not come to happen, and it will only drive young back into the dark ages. Not the mention; we could lose a lot of our rights and it will only trickle down to other issues, effecting social security, abortion, etc....
I am having a lawyer friend of mine look into it and waiting for his reply. God speed in your crusade and I hope I am able to help.
as always
John
58. Dear Gary,
Thanks for including me in your email list. Loretta had told me of your experience beforehand, and I hope you don’t mind if I share some of my thoughts with you. I, too, am an extremely sensitive person, so what I say is what I hear and feel.
As a sufferer of a depressive panic/anxiety disorder, I have learned much over the last 18 years. The one thing I know is that I am a simple person, and I need to keep things simple. The second important thing I’ve learned from my counselor is that we can’t change other people – we can only change how we react to or deal with them. My mom has always said that God isn’t going to ask us how others treated us but on how we treated others.
I only met you and Tony once, but during that one meeting I could feel your hearts, and my heart said “yes”! I can feel that you are good people – you both serve others through your jobs, through your lives, and through who you are. THAT’S what it’s all about. Actions show who you really are – not words.
Gary, I don’t believe that email shows who you really are. And I don’t believe that your reaction at Our Lady of Grace shows who you really are. I understand – I do, because I react from my heart, too. But it’s not always the right thing to do. Stop and think a minute. What did those actions do? They only served to reinforce those opinions that you are different. How much more would it have said had you been able to sit there at peace with YOURSELF and shake Father’s hand on the way out, speaking kindly to all the people you know? It would have said “WOW”!! Loretta mentioned how hurt you were by the word “threat”. Gary, people are always “threatened” by what they don’t know and understand. We are all afraid of the unknown, and the unknown is anything that we haven’t experienced and don’t understand. The unknown threatens our security of who we are and what we think and believe. Reacting as you did only heightens and reinforces the threat; living as the kind, generous, and loving person you really are is the only way to erase that image.
You are truly a family person, Gary. The things you and Tony do for your parents and the love you show them are examples of the way God wants us to live. Stop and think – do you want to add stress to them in their later years? They love and accept you and Tony for who you are. They also love their God and their church, Gary – don’t put them in a position where they feel like you are forcing them to choose. They’ve already chosen you. But don’t ask them to give up what they’ve always known. They didn’t ask you to give up what you’ve always know. The church is made up of human beings, Gary, and anything that is human is flawed. Your reaction toward them sounds pretty similar to their reaction to you, and I DON’T think that’s the way you want to sound.
The truth is, Gary, that your reaction to this makes it look like you aren’t secure in who and what you are or happy with yourself. If you are happy with yourself and secure in yourself and your marriage, then this should not affect you to the point that it has. Stop defending your life, Gary, and live and ENJOY it!! We aren’t guaranteed one more second let alone one more day – so enjoy NOW. By living who you are and loving others, you will say more volumes than words could ever speak. Drawing attention to yourself and your issues through tirades only brings negativity to the situation. Living your life as a positive, happy, loving, and generous human being is what will bring acceptance. That is what will bring you peace.
As for me and what I believe? I believe that I am to love others as God loves me and love my neighbors as myself. I believe in nouns and not adjectives - I believe that we are all PEOPLE – not GAY people or STRAIGHT people or BLACK people or JEWISH people or FAT people or RICH people – just PEOPLE. How do you want to be remembered, Gary – as a good gay person or as a good person? Do I want to be remembered as a good fat person or a good person? I believe that it is not up to me to judge anyone – that is up to God. I believe that God is so much bigger than the church and that only he knows our hearts. I believe that life is hard no matter who you are – it isn’t meant to be easy – it’s meant to be lived, and it’s HOW we live it that counts. Dump the baggage, Gary – we all have it. Get on with the business of living and loving and enjoying and using all the wonderful gifts God has blessed you with. Love your God, love your family, and love your friends. And forgive those who persecute you – it will truly set you free.
My love to Tony. I hope to see you again.
Cheri
59. gary -- bummer of a new year, hey?
thanks so much for your message, your conviction and your passion. it's so much a part of you that i don't usually even comment, but it means so much to all of us that there are people like YOU and tony in the world fighting for us, for human equality, for right and righteousness. god willing, right will win out someday.
hang in there, and never, never, NEVER give up.
happy new year to both of you -- love~rae
60. Dear Gary and Tony,
First of all: Happy New Year (Too late now to mention Xmas).
I have been thinking of you, but I am not very happy at the moment and didn't send Christmas cards or anything to anyone. All this holiday based on consumerism piss me off, and all masked with a religious reason... I don't get it!
I was educated as christian catholic but with the years, all these believes have been fading. I don't feel strong enough to fight religion and I think that my silence is more effective and healthier.
I don't pay any money to the church that does not represent me. When doing the taxes, I give that money to other causes.
Friends who know my life style believe I am not a risk for society, and that opinion is what is important for me. ¿How can someone judge me without knowing me? That idea is unsustainable.
I think these passive actions must be making effect, as the church is now asking for money through TV adverts, Pathetic!
We are living a similar situation here right now, where catholic groups are getting too close to right wing politics... But is a minority. I think they are just crying loud because they visualise for the first time that their ending is coming. They cry loud like the Alien before the final explosion.
I think here is happening soon or maybe history returns again with its funny cycles, and we end up all again in gas chambers.
Did I mention that today I am sick with fever? Maybe tomorrow I re-read this message and realise nothing makes sense, but is my way to express my anger to what is hurting you so much.
Big besos from España,
José Mª
61. Dear Gary, I am so proud of you and so sorry that you had to become so disillusioned in this painful way. I have been turned off to organized religion for many years now. I remember a Catholic Gay male friend of mine denouncing Catholicism when the Pope went to prison to forgive the man who shot him, but could not forgive homosexuals. Not that there should be anything to forgive. That was it for my friend who had been a very devout Catholic. Religious fanatics of the Christian, Moslem and Jewish faiths are ruining the world. Why any women or gay people would be religious is beyond me. Catholicism and Islam, in particular, are the most sexist and intolerant religions on the face of the earth. Gary, you and Tony do not need organized religion. You both spread love and goodness wherever you go. You live your lives with values and integrity which brings up another one of my pet peeves, the term "Family Values." What the hell is that? What about just "Values" that apply to everyone starting with love, tolerance, and generosity of spirit. Please know that you are loved and respected by everyone who really knows you, especially by me. You both continue to inspire me and make me so proud that I am of your tribe, human beings who happen to be gay, and who are also compassionate, caring, and tolerant of all. Love always, Eric
62. Hey Gary
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and pain. I really felt for you when reading it. Remembering Paris when we all met, with your parents, after your trip to Italy.
I know we don't see/write/talk very often but please know you are always in my thoughts. Draw strength from those who love you and you will win the battle.
Much love, always.
Clifford
Xo
63. Hi Gary. (and Tony)
Thanks for including me in your mailing. I just had a hard conversation with my family about the Catholic Church about two weeks ago. One sister is not talking to me as a result!
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I plan on writing a letter or two myself.
Stay strong.
Thomas Fisher
64. WOW!
Shawn - you know me - I tell it like it is in my own words and
have always been an equal opportunity offender - this is a joke -
discrimination is discrimination no matter how you slice it.
We have all seen the hypocrites in the church and watched these
well-doers prance around the pulpit because they think that their
"good will" to the church has earned them a clear path to the
Pearly Gates . . . and my answer to them is this . . . the ONLY way
that you are getting to heaven before me is if you die first! (hoping a bolt
of lightning blasts their asses to eternity at that instance)
BAM! Thank you very much - thank you - I'll be here all week - don't forget
to tip your waitress - try the veal - and . . . by all means . . .
take my wife or husband please!
Gay marriage and gay relationships are not an issue and shouldn't be.
What the hell is the difference if two people care about each other?
I would not be surprised if the church's in PA would qualify for some state
grant by spreading this garbage - just like the Drive 55 campaign.
I would love to see the statistics on children raised in a gay relationship
and how many of those kids are crooks, thugs, dealers, lazy ass white trash . . .
probably .0001% ! And the politicians talk about family values?
For Christ sake - all the guys signing the Declaration of Independence were wearing wigs - and in a sense - were
in drag. Hmmmmmmmmmm
These asshole politicians and clergy are more worried about some guy
taking it in the ass or some girl burying her face in some snatch on
his/her wedding night than the fact that most Americans don't or can't
afford health insurance, the high rate of crime, the foreclosure of homes,
gangs, care for the elderly, and the loss of quality burger joints.
Gary's story is perfect - it would make a great segment for YouTube that
would make it through the e-mail chains . . . I am sure he could deliver the
message on film in great fashion with his speaking and acting abilities.
It just needs to make it's rounds on the net and get the hits.
Speaking of YouTube . . .
Go to YouTube and type in Iron My Shirt and see the video at the Hilary
speech in Connecticut - you're going to love it.
Anyone for Bishop Obama?
or Sister Mary Hilary?
How about Pope Huckabee the 1st!
What about separation of church and state?
Remember . . . It ain't' WHAT YOU SUCK it's IF YOU SUCK!
Ask Gary if he has a contact e-mail or number for his cousin Pete. I lost
track of him when he moved to the Detroit area.
Your loving brother,
Juicy Nutbag
heterosexual campaign manager of the stars
65. Gary and all,
I am so very sorry to hear of your experience! I completely understand how you feel. As a woman, an African American, and a lesbian, it seems that I everyday I am confronted with some sort of "ism". I have been told to "go back to Africa" in a diner full of people. I don't know what was worse - being told that or seeing the rest of the restaurant watch and wait to see if I would sit there like a good "colored" girl at take it. I fear taking road trips to certain places - seeing Confederate flags on government buildings and on bumper stickers in the South. I work at Columbia University and there was just that incident with noose hanging on a professor's door....never mind the Jena 6. I am always worried that I am going to be attacked as a woman and have to make sure that I travel only in certain places at certain times. My girlfriend and I were sitting in Outback Steakhouse (probably our first mistake, right? Who eats at chain restaurants, but we were in my hometown of Albuquerque)...the waiter serving the people next to us went on a complete rant about how it makes him sick to his stomach to see fags holding hands in public. When we spoke to the manager, the only thing he did was offer us a free meal - there were no other repercussions!!!
I am absolutely tired of this mentality in general. Hate is hate no matter where it comes from. Religion has always been used to oppress people since it's inception. Once religion is not an option, they will find other ways (i.e. "The Bell Curve" to prove that Blacks are biologically inferior). We need to ban together for ALL rights. The movements are so fragmented! No more of this complacency. We started hitting the streets and then our comfort became more important.
I too am at a loss.
Don't lose hope!
Juanita
66. I know you are bombarded with emails of love and support but in case you feel like reading one more, I mailed this today to everyone on the list..XO Alicia
Dear____________,
I am writing on behalf of my dear friend Gary Spino, a native son of Greensburg, PA whose multigenerational Catholic family has been and still is a cornerstone of the Our Lady of Grace Parish. This past Christmas Gary went home to visit his family in Greensburg and as he put it, “There I was sitting with my parents at church as I always do when I go home. Just happy that they are alive and somewhat healthy and that I get to be with them for that hour”. What happened next has shaken him to the core, has saddened me about the current actions of the Catholic church and has motivated me to write this letter. Monsignor Raymond Riffle delivered a holiday sermon, not of peace and acceptance, but of intolerance and hate, stressing that gay people and same sex marriage are a threat to the institution of marriage and that the Catholic church must take a political stand to oppose this. The Monsignor’s sermon was part of the Pennsylvania Catholic Conference’s “campaign to save marriage in Pennsylvania” as the brochures being distributed stated.
I write to you as a friend of Mr. Spino’s but also as a Psychiatrist. You see, Mr. Spino is a gay man, together with his partner for more than a decade, married in Canada 2 years ago. He is dear to me in particular because he is one of the most happy and well adjusted people I know. He is blessed with a warm and loving heart the magnitude of which has the power to renew one’s faith in humanity. He is the guy who cared for the needs of an elderly house-bound neighbor until her dying day. He is the guy who plants and cares for the flowers up and down his Manhattan street. He is that rare man who has the capacity to be there for you in both your best times and your darkest days. Gary was emotionally devastated by the sermon and the campaign it represents.
The reason this affects me as a Psychiatrist is this. If this message of intolerance… of hate, this decidedly un-American and hatefully un-Christian message could have the devastating emotional effect it has had on Gary, a man in his mid-forties with a loving supportive family and hundreds of friends, imagine the way a troubled gay teen might be affected. As you may know, gay kids are 3 times more likely to commit suicide than their peers. This type of rejection…a message that alienates gay people from their families, their communities, and their God and suggests that they are not due the rights of other Americans causes grave emotional damage to gay kids and adults alike.
Short of the tragedy of suicide, this message indoctrinates gay people in self-loathing and can cause depression, relationship difficulties, substance abuse and fractured families. When a gay teen is rejected by his family because they learned at church that he is an Abomination, how is this helping to promote family values?
Pressured to be something they are not under threat of losing all they hold dear, gay people enter into marriages only to leave their spouses and children devastated when they ultimately realize they are and always were gay. All of this was made painfully clear to me when I embarked on a project to produce a documentary film, sponsored by psychiatrists call “Abomination: homosexuality and the ex- gay movement”. Through the making of the film and it’s screening at festivals nationwide I came to understand the immense pain and toll on mental health that this type of rhetoric takes. I have spoken at national Psychiatric conferences on the topic as well. Hundreds of gay adults after seeing the film, have approached me in tears still bearing the wounds and battle-scars that are the result of being told that what they fundamentally are is unacceptable, a message they primarily are hearing in church.
The political religious campaign being launched within the Catholic church is a dangerous and recklessly irresponsible one. It seeks to degrade an entire group of people even as it says it is trying to help them. It fails to take responsibility for the psychological damage that it leaves in its wake. But most offensive and inappropriate is that the church, from behind the safety of its non profit status, not having to pay taxes, has launched a campaign to deny American’s their fundamental rights to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the name of God. This is truly an Abomination.
Gary is a shining example of Christian values alive and well in secular life. His loving and monogamous same sex relationship stands strong as others fall prey to affairs and divorce. He is a loving father, cherished by his daughter. And he is just one of many thousands of committed, responsible, loving gay couples who not only are NOT a threat to the institution of marriage, but who truly appreciate the gift and responsibility that is marriage. In a world where a straight teen can go to Vegas and marry a friend on a whim only to have it annulled the next day, the same sex-couples I know want and deserve the right to marry to honor the commitments they have made to each other and to protect the rights of the children they are raising together. In fact they value marriage so much they are willing to go to another country to have their vows legitimized.
The God I know is smiling on men like Gary Spino. The town of Greensburg should be welcoming and proud of it’s native son. His parents should not be made to feel ashamed, alienated or unwelcome in the church their ancestors helped to build. Look at what you are sacrificing to achieve your political agenda.
Monsignor Riffle , Bishop Brandt and members of the Pennsylvania Catholic Conference…you have no right to place an obstacle between God and one of his sons as you have. Your actions are driving away parishioners and their families. They are damaging souls in a way that you must take personal responsibility for. And on behalf of every gay person who attends your church as well as their families, I would ask you to keep your politics where they belong…in the voting booth…and not in the pulpit.
Governor Rendell, Senator Specter and Senator Casey I ask that you pause for a moment to realize that our laws reflect our values as a society, and our values communicate who is and who is not welcome on American soil. My ancestors came to this country to escape oppression in their homelands. I will always love America for being a haven of tolerance, a melting-pot where our differences are celebrated. A place free of caste or class structure in which a man can be judged (as the Rev Martin Luther King Jr. said) on the content of his character. We count on men like you to prevent America from drifting away from its values.
I believe that we as Americans value the notion that we are at our best when we are in love, in committed relationships and family focused. If that is true then we must support same sex people who share that value and want their relationships acknowledged and protected. To have one’s family legitimized, celebrated and protected by local and federal government is part of the American dream, it is a dream each American is entitled to. But to have this denied is more damaging than you would imagine. My grandparents would be appalled to learn that their glorious America was willing to take taxes from citizens while telling them they were less than and less deserving than their neighbors…perhaps they would have wished they had immigrated to Canada. They would certainly be glad they did not immigrate to Greensburg.
Thank you for your consideration,
Alicia Salzer MD
